A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives

In Short

This work is an instructional dialogue that frames the challenge of a troubled marriage as a test of skill, character, and psychological management. Two women, Eulalia and Xantippa, discuss the realities of living with difficult, often neglectful, or "shrewish" husbands. By contrasting their experiences, the dialogue argues that a wife’s influence is best exerted not through confrontation, but through calculated gentleness, careful household management, and an acute understanding of her husband’s temperament. It has endured as a sharp, practical, and surprisingly modern exploration of marital dynamics within a domestic setting.

The Story

The dialogue begins with a chance meeting between two childhood acquaintances. Xantippa, clearly distressed and unkempt, laments the state of her marriage, painting a picture of a husband who ignores her, squanders their dowry on drink and vice, and leaves her in poverty. She describes their life together as a constant, bitter cycle of verbal warfare, where her own sharp tongue has only served to provoke his disdain and physical intimidation. Xantippa’s frustration is palpable; she sees herself as a victim of a “beast” and openly expresses a desire for divorce, though she is aware such a path is closed to her.

Eulalia, by contrast, appears well-dressed and poised. She gently challenges Xantippa’s perspective, arguing that while the legal bond of marriage is permanent, a wife’s day-to-day experience is largely shaped by her own conduct. She likens the taming of a difficult husband to the taming of wild animals—like elephants or lions—which cannot be broken by force but only by understanding their nature and adjusting one’s own behavior to avoid provocation. She reveals that she secures her own domestic peace by meticulously anticipating her husband's needs, maintaining a clean and orderly home, and mirroring his moods with a disciplined, "glass-like" reflection.

As the conversation deepens, Eulalia shares stories of other women who successfully managed their husbands through patience and self-effacement. She tells of a young bride who was initially miserable but eventually transformed her marriage by bowing to her husband’s will, and another wife who won her straying husband back by secretly providing for his mistress, thereby shaming him into devotion. Xantippa is initially skeptical and disgusted by the idea of being a “bawd” to her own husband, but she slowly begins to see the utility in Eulalia’s strategy.

The dialogue closes with practical, step-by-step advice. Eulalia instructs Xantippa on how to handle her husband during his idle or intoxicated moments, how to pick the right time for gentle correction, and why keeping the bedroom a place of pleasure is the ultimate safeguard against discord. They conclude with a plan for Eulalia to intervene, intending to guide Xantippa’s husband toward a more loving disposition. The work ends with a humorous, cautionary tale about a man who cures his wife’s muteness with magic, only to discover that no power in hell can make a woman stop speaking once she has started, emphasizing the permanent, unpredictable nature of the bond they are so carefully trying to mend.

How It Unfolds

The encounter Eulalia and Xantippa meet and exchange greetings, quickly moving from pleasantries to the stark contrast in their personal appearances and marital circumstances. Xantippa pours out her grievances, detailing her husband's neglect and her own miserable, poverty-stricken life.

The diagnosis Eulalia rejects Xantippa's desire for separation, insisting that since divorce is forbidden, she must learn to manage her husband rather than battle him. She introduces the core metaphor of the dialogue: a wife must be as skillful as a horse-breaker, using precise "knacks" rather than brute force to influence a wilder nature.

The strategy Eulalia details her own domestic methods, explaining that she prioritizes her husband’s comfort above her own, suppresses her desire to argue, and times her requests to his specific moods. She emphasizes that a wife must learn to "take her husband by the ears" by listening and anticipating his needs before they manifest as conflict.

The examples Through specific anecdotes—such as the young bride who learned obedience or the wife who showed kindness to her husband’s mistress—Eulalia illustrates that gentleness often yields more domestic power than defiance. Xantippa, though initially resistant, begins to acknowledge the practicality of these methods.

The resolution The two women agree on a plan for Eulalia to advise Xantippa’s husband, hoping to pivot his behavior toward kindness. The text concludes with a final, allegorical warning about the irreversibility of speech, reminding the reader that while influence is possible, the complexities of human nature are never fully tamed.

The People

Eulalia serves as the mentor and the model of the "honest wife." She is disciplined, observant, and highly strategic, viewing marriage as a complex project that requires the steady hand of a tactician. She seeks to maintain peace through total emotional control and the calculated application of kindness, believing that she can "make" her husband better by refusing to be moved by his volatility.

Xantippa is the "shrowde shrew" in training, though her anger is presented as a response to genuine neglect and hardship. She is impulsive, expressive, and deeply frustrated by her lack of agency. Throughout the dialogue, she struggles to reconcile her desire for self-respect with the reality that her husband treats her as an "underling." By the end, she remains skeptical but is willing to adopt Eulalia’s methods, hoping that by changing her own actions, she might finally secure the domestic stability she craves.

In Its Own Voice

"The apparell of honest wiues is not in the aray of the body, nor in the tirements of their head as saynte Peter the apostle teacheth vs… but in good lyuynge and honest conuersacion and in the ornamentes of the soule."

Eulalia explains that a wife’s true value and beauty are not found in finery, but in her conduct and the grace of her character.

"I marked the tymes bothe whan he woulde be pleased and when he wold be all byshrwed, as they tameth the Elephantes and Lyons or suche beastes that can not be wonne by strēgth."

Eulalia describes her methodology for maintaining domestic harmony, likening her husband’s unpredictable temperament to that of a dangerous animal requiring careful study.

What It's Really About

The central argument is that domestic peace is not a gift that one receives, but a state that one actively creates through the subordination of the ego. The dialogue explores the power dynamics inherent in a legal, lifelong union where one party often has more outward authority than the other. It poses the question: how does one exercise influence when overt power is unavailable? The answer provided is a form of psychological, rather than physical, mastery. By managing the environment, the timing of communication, and the emotional temperature of the household, the wife is presented as the true architect of the marriage, turning a volatile relationship into a functional, if perhaps lopsided, partnership.

Why Read It Today

Readers today will find this a fascinating, if sometimes challenging, artifact of sixteenth-century domestic philosophy. Those interested in the history of gender roles or the evolution of the "marriage manual" will appreciate the sharp, often witty dialogue that moves quickly between serious instruction and anecdotal humor. It feels like eavesdropping on an intense, private conversation about how to navigate the most difficult aspects of human relationships.

However, the modern reader must be prepared for the period’s rigid, patriarchal assumptions. The premise that a wife is solely responsible for her husband’s behavior—and that she must essentially manipulate him to maintain her own well-being—is deeply entrenched in the text. There is little room here for the idea of equal partnership, and the advice can feel stifling or even cynical to a contemporary audience. The language, while translated into a readable English, carries the flavor of its time, which requires a patient, curious eye. Despite these difficulties, the dialogue remains surprisingly sharp; the psychological insights into the importance of timing, the dangers of arguing in public, and the necessity of keeping one's cool are as relevant to modern conflict resolution as they were centuries ago. It stays with you as a provocative look at the lengths to which people will go to preserve the structures they inhabit.