A Parody on Patience

In Short

D. Dalziel’s A Parody on Patience is a theatrical burlesque that adapts the lyrics and characters of Gilbert and Sullivan’s Patience into a promotional vehicle for American railway lines. set against depot platforms and parlor cars, the narrative follows poetic suitors and local maidens whose high-minded romantic ideals are entirely eclipsed by the luxury, speed, and safety of the Chicago and Alton Railroad. Its lasting interest rests in its unique status as a historical artifact, blending Victorian pop-culture satire directly with gilded-age corporate advertising.

The Story

The book opens far from the stage, following Mr. Trevellyan, a Chicago stockbroker, who organizes a family holiday to Niagara Falls alongside his wife, two daughters, and Deacon Fitney—a pious man marked by his eccentric passion for decorative buttons. After boarding the Michigan Central Limited Express, the family marvels at the smooth journey, the luxury of the palace cars, and the nighttime ferry transit across the Detroit River to Canada. Arriving at the Falls in record time, young May Trevellyan is so enchanted that she hangs a railway schedule in her bedroom, complete with her handwritten endorsement declaring the line the only proper way to travel east.

From this narrative framing, the book shifts directly into a dramatic libretto set outside a railroad depot. A chorus of aesthetic young women—led by Angela, Ella, and Saphir—lament their unrequited love for Reginald Grosvenor. Jane warns them that Reginald’s affections belong solely to Patience, a disdainful milkmaid who openly admits she knows nothing of love. The dreary atmosphere is interrupted by the arrival of the Great Conductor, who proudly bursts into a patter song defining the ideal Chicago and Alton employee as a mixture of historical figures, literary icons, and modern tycoons.

When Grosvenor enters, he attempts to court Patience with melancholy songs praising the superiority of his train line. Though Patience finds herself deeply moved by the buttons, braid, and majesty of his Chicago and Alton uniform, her strict moral conscience stops her. Believing that true love must be selfless, she realizes that marrying Grosvenor would deprive the traveling public of his presence, and she flees in tears to avoid ruining his career on the rails.

Grosvenor turns his attention to the admiring crowd of women, performing a musical tale about an unyielding old man who refused every pushy sales agent because he would ride no line other than the Alton. Soon after, the Grand Commander threatens Grosvenor with immediate discharge unless he abandons his lofty aesthetic persona. Terrified of losing his position with the company, Grosvenor immediately complies, transforming himself through a series of comical verses into a commonplace, polite young railway man who handles baggage, sells tickets, and minds the engines. Reappearing as a simple dairy maid, Patience questions the Commander on his vices, ultimately accepting the absurdities of the railway lifestyle as the entire cast joins in a final chorus celebrating their corporate devotion.

How It Unfolds

A family embarks from Chicago Mr. Trevellyan and Deacon Fitney board the Michigan Central Limited Express with the children, enjoying a swift fifteen-hour voyage to Niagara Falls that inspires young May to keep a railway schedule as a prized souvenir.

The aesthetic maidens mourn Outside a depot, Angela and her companion maidens sigh over their hopeless passion for Reginald Grosvenor, only to be informed by Jane that his heart belongs to the plain milkmaid Patience.

The conductor reveals his recipe The Great Conductor arrives at the depot picnic and sings a lively patter song, detailing how an Alton road conductor is distilled from historical geniuses, literary figures, and robber barons.

Patience rejects selfless romance Grosvenor courts Patience with verses praising his line, but she refuses his hand because monopolizing such a splendid employee would selfishly deprive the traveling public of his services.

Grosvenor sings of line loyalty To entertain his persistent female admirers, Grosvenor performs the tale of a stubborn old traveler who ignored every aggressive ticket agent in order to ride exclusively on the Alton road.

A compulsory transformation occurs Faced with the threat of being fired from the railroad, Grosvenor surrenders his aesthetic airs and sings a series of verses adopting the persona of a commonplace, hard-working railway employee.

The company joins in chorus Patience returns to find the Grand Commander, accepting the realities of his flawed nature while the entire cast unites in a triumphant final song praising the Chicago and Alton Railroad.

The People

• Mr. Trevellyan: A hardworking Chicago stockbroker who takes a rare break from his business affairs to treat his family to a scenic holiday trip to Niagara Falls.
• Deacon Fitney: A well-meaning family friend and travel guide who possesses an unusual obsession with wearing excessive buttons on his clothing and scarf.
• May Trevellyan: Mr. Trevellyan's young daughter whose delight with her swift train journey leads her to hang a railroad timetable on her bedroom wall.
• Patience: A dairy maid who initially claims complete ignorance of love, only to reject her suitor to avoid depriving train passengers of his exceptional railway service.
• Grosvenor: A handsome, aesthetic conductor on the Chicago and Alton line who willingly abandons his poetic grandeur to avoid losing his job with the railroad.
• The Great Conductor (Grand Commander): A proud railway officer who enforces discipline, demands commonplace behavior from his men, and pursues Patience's hand.
• Angela: An aesthetic young woman who leads her fellow maidens in sighing over Grosvenor while expressing haughty contempt for ordinary railroad workers.

In Its Own Voice

"The entire train was placed on one of the immense ferry steamers, and the landing shortly afterwards made at Windsor, a picturesque and quaint little town on the Canadian side of the river." An account of the Trevellyan family's night journey across the Detroit River aboard the Michigan Central Express.

"If you want a recipe for that popular mystery / Usually known as an Alton road man, / Take all the remarkable people in history, / Mix them all up in a rhyming stewpan..." The Great Conductor sings a lively patter song explaining the legendary qualities required of a Chicago and Alton employee.

"Since I find you are an Alton man, I'll marry now instead of later." Patience confesses her sudden change of heart upon discovering Grosvenor's prestigious railroad uniform.

What It's Really About

Beneath its playful operatic satire, the book captures the aggressive commercialism of late nineteenth-century American industry. By hijacking a popular British light opera and filling its pages with industrial directory listings, the text demonstrates how art and popular entertainment were routinely co-opted for corporate promotion. It reflects an era when passenger rail lines were competing fiercely for Midwestern traffic, using humor, luxury branding, and hyperbole to win public loyalty. At its heart, the book explores the tension between romantic idealization and practical commercial identity, humorously arguing that even the most elevated aesthetic ideals must yield to the overwhelming clout and daily utility of the American railroad.

Why Read It Today

This volume appeals primarily to modern readers interested in Victorian pop-culture parodies, American railroad history, and the origins of immersive corporate advertising. Reading it feels like stumbling upon a period time capsule; the theatrical script is inextricably woven alongside genuine commercial advertisements for steam pumps, locomotive boiler tubes, varnish, and hotel accommodations. This structural juxtaposition offers an unfiltered glimpse into the commercial life of 1880s Chicago and the Midwest.

The text presents very few literary hurdles, though modern readers must navigate the specific period references embedded in the rhyming patter songs, which name-drop nineteenth-century tycoons, politicians, and pop-culture figures like Jay Gould, Vanderbilt, and Paddington Pollaky. Additionally, the inclusion of archaic technical specs and commercial directory listings within the text creates an unconventional, highly fractured reading rhythm. For those willing to look past its shameless promotional mandate, the book remains a delightfully bizarre artifact of Gilded Age theater and corporate marketing.