Attention Saint Patrick

In Short

This science fiction tale depicts the desperate, inventive attempts of a struggling colonial government on the planet Eire to hide their reliance on illegal "black snakes" from a prying committee chairman sent from Earth. Facing extinction by iron-consuming creatures called "dinies," the colony eventually finds salvation through the ingenuity of a young woman named Moira and the irrepressible political blarney of the local leadership. It is a witty, character-driven story that blends Irish folklore with planetary colonization, lasting because of its lighthearted, warm-spirited exploration of survival through compromise and humor.

The Story

The colony of Eire is in dire straits. The planet is infested with "dinies"—small, dinosaur-like creatures that possess teeth made of extremely hard boron carbide, allowing them to devour everything from farm tools to house nails. The colonists have attempted to control these pests by importing black snakes from Earth. While effective, this is a dangerous secret: the colony is predicated on the legend that Saint Patrick drove all snakes from Eire, and the visiting Dail Committee chairman, Sean O'Donohue, is a fierce traditionalist who would view the presence of snakes as an unforgivable blasphemy.

When O'Donohue arrives to inspect the planet, he is unimpressed by the struggling, impoverished colony. He threatens to cut off all support—ships, food, and machinery—if he finds evidence of "shenanigans" or a failure to uphold the sanctity of their world. President O'Hanrahan lives in constant terror that O'Donohue will discover the snakes, which are roaming freely to hunt dinies.

Disaster nearly strikes when O'Donohue visits a remote island used to quarantine the largest dinies. During the trip, Moira, O'Donohue’s granddaughter, realizes that dinies are attracted to the smell of heated metal. She reveals to the president that she has successfully trapped dozens of dinies by using a refrigerator to make them torpid. The president quickly pivots this discovery into a solution: the dinies can be herded into cold storage units using the scent of hot iron, rendering them harmless without needing to rely solely on the snakes.

Back in the city of Tara, the president orchestrates a demonstration. He has the chief justice run through the streets with a piece of hot iron, leading a swarm of dinies into a cold-storage plant. O'Donohue, caught in the middle of the chaos, is humiliated, his clothes shredded by the dinies. In the aftermath, the colonists reveal that the dinies’ boron carbide teeth are actually a valuable industrial resource, making the colony potentially wealthy.

The final standoff occurs in O'Donohue’s room. O'Hanrahan performs a brilliant bit of linguistic maneuvering, insisting that the colony has no snakes—only "Eirean porcupine eaters." Faced with a thriving colony and the prospect of a new, wealthy trade partner, O'Donohue accepts the ridiculous explanation. He demands that the president wait for his recovery to marry Moira, ending the political threat. The story concludes with the leadership pondering a new problem: now that the dinies are under control, the snakes are out of work, and the government must find a way to provide for their "technological unemployment."

How It Unfolds

The inspector arrives Sean O'Donohue, an opinionated official from Earth, arrives on Eire to judge the colony's progress. He threatens to withdraw all support because the world is not the flourishing utopia he envisioned.

The hidden helpers The president struggles to hide the black snakes that roam the presidential mansion. These snakes are the only thing keeping the iron-eating dinies from destroying the colony’s infrastructure.

A new discovery Moira, the inspector's granddaughter, conducts a biology experiment that reveals dinies are attracted to the smell of heated metal. This finding provides the colonists with a way to manage the pests without relying exclusively on the snakes.

The grand demonstration The president leads the inspector's committee through the city during a chaotic, comic event where dinies are lured into cold storage. The inspector is overwhelmed, his clothing literally eaten off by the swarming creatures.

A linguistic resolution President O'Hanrahan convinces the inspector that the creatures are not "snakes" but "Eirean porcupine eaters." With the colony’s new economic potential and the inspector's own pride at stake, the two sides reach an uneasy peace.

The People

President O'Hanrahan is the harried, well-meaning leader of Eire. He wants only to save his colony from collapse but is forced into a life of constant deception to shield his people from the consequences of their harsh environment. By the end, his desperation gives way to a triumphant, if weary, confidence.

Sean O'Donohue represents the weight of Earthly tradition and bureaucracy. He is a man of "gimlet eyes" and short temper, driven by a stubborn adherence to his own brand of Irish pride. Though he begins as a threat to the colony's existence, his need to save face leads him to accept the president's outrageous lies, transforming him into a reluctant patron.

Moira O'Donohue is the catalyst for the colony’s survival. She possesses a scientific curiosity that is both practical and naive, unaware initially of the political stakes. Her discovery of the "diny" behavior is the turning point that shifts the colony's status from a failing project to a potential economic powerhouse.

In Its Own Voice

Describing the frustrating, pervasive nature of the pests that plague the settlers:

The dinies of Eire were fitted by evolution--or Satan--to plague human settlers.

The president’s desperate attempt to redefine reality through pure, unrelenting wit:

"It's a matter of terminology," said the president sternly. "And it's not the name that makes a thing, but what it does!"

Reflecting on the absurdity of the colony’s final, unexpected success:

"What Earth don't need, other planets will. You're rich."

What It's Really About

At its heart, the book is a study in the necessity of adaptation over dogma. The colonists are trapped between two worlds: the romanticized, legendary past of their Irish heritage and the harsh, metallic reality of a new planet. The "shenanigans" the president engages in are not mere dishonesty; they are a necessary creative response to a rigid bureaucracy that values tradition over survival. The story argues that when reality—in this case, iron-eating dinosaurs—changes, the definitions and legends of the past must be flexible enough to accommodate it. It is a lighthearted defense of pragmatism and the "blarney" required to keep a community alive when the logic of the home world no longer applies.

Why Read It Today

This story is a delight for readers who appreciate the "Golden Age" style of science fiction, where high-concept problems are solved with a mix of scientific observation and local charm. It feels like a tall tale told over a pint, full of wit, rapid-fire dialogue, and a distinct, rhythmic style that leans into the Irish dialect of its characters. While the period attitudes—specifically the paternalistic gender dynamics—are very much of 1960, the story’s central conceit of a planet with a "metallurgical" ecosystem remains clever and engaging.

The book is best read as a comedy of manners set against a backdrop of space colonization. You will likely walk away remembering the image of a dignified official being pursued by a river of colorful, iron-crazed lizards, and the absurdity of the "Eirean porcupine." It is a brief, energetic read that does not take itself too seriously, making it a perfect antidote to more somber or heavy-handed science fiction. If you enjoy stories that prioritize character voice and a sense of playfulness, you will find this a satisfying, if slightly eccentric, piece of genre history.