Buying a Horse

In Short

William Dean Howells's 1879 humorous essay follows an unnamed Suburbanite attempting to purchase a dependable horse for his family's new rural home. Confident that money and good intentions are sufficient, he instead plunges into a subculture of secretive horse-dealers, absurd terminology, and flawed animals. After a series of comedic misadventures—including a catastrophic run-away with a seemingly gentle pony—he discovers that acquiring a suitable steed requires immense patience and luck. This dry satire endures because it captures the universal absurdity of navigating specialized markets as a naive consumer.

The Story

The narrative begins when a man leaves the town of Charlesbridge for a home further out in the country. Needing a horse for family drives, he asks a professor for advice and sets a modest budget of one hundred and twenty-five dollars. Believing the transaction will be straightforward, he soon finds his yard transformed into a crowded, chaotic horse-fair. Irregular dealers and shifty emissaries descend upon him, bringing an endless succession of defective brutes. They offer oversize monsters disguised as "pony-horses," a mustang that merely marks time like a drilling soldier, and animals that shy at wheelbarrows or possess parrot-mouths and tender forefeet.

As the weeks pass, the narrator's friend becomes expert in horse jargon and the strange, unwritten laws of the trade—such as the fact that no sale horse is ever an even age, and almost all are claimed to be "coming seven." Yet despite his growing cynical knowledge, his volition collapses. He cannot bring himself to buy, and his inability to make a decision turns him into a laughingstock among his neighbors.

Desperate, he finally buys a small bay Morgan named Billy on trial from a Western importer. Billy is gentle, safe, and adored by the children. Peace is briefly restored to the household until an evening when Billy is left unhitched in the driveway. Catching sight of his stable, the gentle pony bolt through a pear orchard, tearing off tree bark and demolishing the family phaeton against a four-foot stone wall. The physical damage is minor, but the social humiliation is absolute, as neighbors gather to chuckle at the scene.

Embarrassed and once again horseless, the protagonist retreats into despair. He tries to inspect another horse named Pansy, but the awkwardness of breaking off negotiations leaves him feeling as though he has broken a marriage engagement. Finally, a wealthy neighbor steps in and introduces him to a gracious gentleman farmer. This benefactor lends him Frank, a pampered, sixteen-year-old dandy of a horse. Frank carries the family stylishly through the summer and autumn, deftly backing up carriages, outrunning rivals on the road, and tossing an occasional rider onto soft turf. By winter, however, Frank must be returned, leaving the protagonist right back where he started: humble, empty-handed, and nervously contemplating trying to buy a horse all over again.

How It Unfolds

The hunt begins Following a brief consultation with a local professor, the hopeful buyer sets his budget at one hundred and twenty-five dollars. He naively assumes that purchasing a family horse will be as simple as hand-over-pay.

The dealers descend Irregular horse-traders transform his property into a noisy equine museum. They attempt to sell him damaged brutes, disguising heavy draft animals as pony-horses and explaining away obvious flaws with colorful jargon.

The phantom mare A promising black mare appears, but she proves to click her heels together. She is swiftly whisked away by an inaccessible owner in Medford, leaving the buyer hopelessly enamored with an animal he can never acquire.

The tragic triumph of Billy He purchases Billy, a gentle bay who wins the hearts of his wife and children. The family's domestic bliss is smashed to pieces when Billy panics, wrecks the carriage, and makes his owner the laughingstock of the town.

Salvation on loan A benevolent neighbor introduces the protagonist to a wealthy gentleman who lends him Frank, a wise and stylish sixteen-year-old horse. Frank restores order to the family's outings for the rest of the season.

Back to square one With winter's arrival, Frank is returned to his owner's stable. The protagonist faces the coming spring stripped of his former arrogance, waiting timidly for the next round of equine chaos.

The People

• The Protagonist (My Friend): An innocent urban transplant who wants nothing more than a quiet, safe horse for his family. He starts out trusting, grows sardonic and indecisive under the pressure of shady trades, and ends up completely humbled by the process.
• The Horse-Dealers: A rotating cast of unsqueamish, fast-talking agents who thrust lathery hands into horses' mouths and wipe their fingers on the grass. They operate in mystery, using specialized slang to sell flawed animals to unsuspecting buyers.
• Billy: The family's first purchased horse, a small Morgan bay who is sweet, slow, and wonderful with the children. His sudden, terrifying runaway spree destroys the phaeton and shatters his owner's domestic peace.
• Frank: A pampered sixteen-year-old horse borrowed from a wealthy gentleman. He is a self-respecting dandy who expertly backs up carriages, hates being passed on the road, and brings a serene, stylish end to the family's summer.

In Its Own Voice

"If one has money enough, there seems no reason why one should not go and buy such a horse as he wants."

This hopeful assumption sets the entire narrative in motion, establishing the protagonist's initial naivety before he enters the chaotic world of horse-trading.

"The ridiculous planet, wavering bat-like through space, on which it had been impossible for an innocent man to buy a suitable horse was a dream of the past, and he had the solid, sensible old earth under his feet once more."

The narrator captures the brief, ecstatic relief his friend feels upon purchasing Billy, right before the little horse runs away and demolishes his carriage.

"He has satisfied himself that neither love nor money is alone adequate to the acquisition: the fates also must favor it."

Looking back on his long summer of failures, the buyer reflects on the overwhelming complexity of trying to make a simple purchase.

What It's Really About

Behind its lighthearted, anecdotal surface, the story explores the bewildering anxiety of modern consumerism. Howells examines what happens when an educated, well-meaning individual enters a commercial subculture whose rules, codes, and dishonesty he cannot grasp. The horse market serves as a microcosm for societal trust and social embarrassment; the protagonist is routinely mortified not just by bad horses, but by his own inability to navigate awkward human interactions. Beneath the humor lies a quiet satire of suburban pretension, showing how a middle-class dream of quiet country drives can easily collapse into public humiliation, indecision, and paralysis.

Why Read It Today

Buying a Horse is a swift, charming slice of 19th-century observational humor that feels surprisingly modern. Anyone who has ever tried to buy a used car, hire a contractor, or navigate online marketplaces will instantly recognize the protagonist's exhaustion, social dread, and fear of being taken for a fool. Howells writes with an effortless, dry elegance, turning a mundane domestic chore into a comical saga of rising anxiety.

The story moves at a brisk pace, balancing sharp dialogue with wry internal monologue. Modern readers will find very few structural hurdles; the narrative is brief, accessible, and free of dense period jargon, save for the amusing horse-dealer slang that Howells takes deliberate time to explain. What remains long after reading is the hilarious image of a sensible man standing transfixed in his melon patch, watching his carriage splinter against a wall while his neighbors look on with tea napkins in hand. It is an enduring, witty reminder of how fragile our illusions of control really are.