"Crumps", The Plain Story of a Canadian Who Went

In Short

This memoir captures the war journey of a Canadian illustrator turned machine-gun officer during the opening years of World War I. Beginning with a quiet sketching trip in Quebec, the narrative moves swiftly through ocean convoy crossings, chaotic training camps on Salisbury Plain, and the brutal reality of the Ypres salient. Combining direct prose with sharp visual observations, the author documents the transition from eager civilian volunteer to battle-hardened soldier. The work survives as an authentic, immediate portrait of early Canadian military participation, recording both the daily absurdities and the severe casualties of modern industrialized warfare.

The Story

The account opens in the quiet Laurentian Mountains during the hot summer of 1914, where the author works as an artist oblivious to European politics. When war erupts, he rushes to Montreal to draw political cartoons before enlisting in the Canadian forces. He boards a transport ship at Quebec, joining a massive fleet of forty-three liners guarded by British warships as they cross the Atlantic under strict blackout conditions. On board, he adjusts to military routine, cleans his section's machine guns, and watches court-martial proceedings on deck.

Upon landing in England, the battalion establishes camp on the bleak, waterlogged expanse of Salisbury Plain. Heavy rains, collapsing tents, and an outbreak of spinal meningitis test the soldiers' patience, while brief leaves to London and Plymouth offer temporary relief through pub visits and lighthearted deceptions to secure passes. Amid the mud and cold, new equipment is issued, and the troops watch with envy as other units deploy directly to France.

In mid-1915, the unit finally crosses the English Channel into Normandy. Traveling by motor vehicle across the French countryside, the author suffers an early injury when a supply car runs over his leg, though he recovers quickly enough to remain with his battery. Moving toward the front lines near Ypres and Saint-Eloi, the landscape transforms into a wasteland of cratered roads, destroyed châteaux, and shattered villages where grass grows in abandoned streets.

Assigned to set up machine-gun emplacements behind the main trenches, the author experiences incessant artillery barrages, sniping, and nighttime harassments. He constructs underground dugouts out of ruins, fights off swarms of mosquitoes, and uses shell flashes to navigate in the dark. The reality of trench warfare becomes inescapable through constant bombardment by heavy German artillery, known colloquially as "crumps" and "whiz-bangs." Friends and fellow officers are killed suddenly by artillery strikes or succumbing to trench fever.

The narrative reaches its climax during a heavy bombardment near the front line. An exploding shell hits the author's emplacement, inflicting severe shrapnel wounds to his body and his right hand—his painting hand. Evacuated by field transport under continuing artillery fire, he passes through a series of dressing stations and field hospitals that are themselves targeted by enemy aerial bombing. Sent to a base hospital at Le Touquet, he undergoes surgery to extract steel shrapnel and clear his wounds, concluding his active frontline service and leaving him to reflect on the immense human cost of the conflict.

How It Unfolds

Leaving Canada behind The author abandons his peaceful sketching trip in Quebec to enlist as the war begins. He boards a troop transport and joins a vast transatlantic convoy sailing in battleship formation under cover of darkness.

Enduring Salisbury Plain Arriving in England, the troops endure a harsh winter in flooded tent cities on the desolate moorlands. They battle rain, mud, collapsed canvas, and disease while eagerly awaiting their order to ship out for France.

Crossing into France The unit lands in Normandy and moves toward the front lines on motorcycles and motor transports. Along the way, they witness destroyed countryside, local civilians enduring war prices, and the constant hum of distant artillery.

Entering the salient Reaching the ruined city of Ypres, the officer sets up hidden machine-gun positions among destroyed châteaux and shattered farmhouses. He learns to navigate constant bombardment, underground tunnels, and No Man's Land under night illumination.

Wounded under fire During an intense enemy barrage, a shell strikes the author's position, inflicting severe shrapnel wounds. He undergoes a perilous medical evacuation via ambulance cars, dressing stations, and base hospitals behind the lines.

The People

• Captain Keene (The Author)

An artist turned machine-gun officer who approaches the conflict with sharp observation and steady nerves. He seeks to serve his country effectively while preserving his humanity, constantly balancing the horrors of the front line against his eye for visual detail. Wounded in action, he faces the loss of his drawing hand with calm stoicism.

• Lieutenant McCarthy

A fellow Canadian officer and good-natured comrade. He facilitates unauthorized leaves and handles camp life with a lenient, practical attitude, looking out for his men while navigating military regulations.

• The Machine Gunners ("Mosquitos")

The small, specialized squad of soldiers operating the battery's heavy weapons. They treat their machine guns like prized possessions, endure damp dugouts together, and share scarce rations, whiskey, and stewed plums gathered under enemy fire.

• F---- P----

A German soldier whose captured diary provides a window into the enemy's side of the line. Facing continuous artillery bombardment, thirst, and loss of comrades, his written reflections show the shared terror and resignation experienced by infantrymen on both sides of the trenches.

In Its Own Voice

"The Laurentian Mountains in the Province of Quebec are noted for their beauty, fine hunting and fishing, and are the stamping-grounds for many artists from the States and Eastern Canada."

Setting the scene before the war interrupts his art career in the summer of 1914.

"This poor country is pockmarked with shell craters like a great country with a skin disease."

Describing the utterly devastated landscape around the Western Front.

"It's all arranged for you, if there's a bit of shell or a bullet with your name on it you'll get it, so you've nothing to worry about."

Capturing the pragmatic fatalism adopted by soldiers living under daily shellfire.

What It's Really About

The memoir explores the rapid transformation of ordinary civilians into modern military operatives, contrasting artistic sensibilities with the cold mechanics of industrial warfare. Beneath its episodic narrative lies a critique of unpreparedness and the harsh realities of early 20th-century combat. The text highlights how soldiers rely on dark humor, small comforts, and camaraderie to survive extreme psychological stress. It presents war not as a romantic adventure, but as a mechanical grinder where survival is largely a matter of chance and endurance against indiscriminate artillery.

Why Read It Today

This account offers an immediate, unvarnished look at World War I from a Canadian perspective. Readers interested in military history will appreciate its candid details about logistics, training conditions, and frontline machinery. The narrative moves briskly, keeping hype at bay in favor of direct, sensory observations. While period attitudes and casual military slang appear throughout, the author's clear voice and illustrative background keep the material accessible and deeply human, leaving readers with a vivid impression of the physical and mental toll experienced by those on the front lines.