Deserted: Sailor's Knots, Part 1

In Short

Narrated by a cynical London night-watchman, this comic tale follows Rupert Brown, a vain young sailor who enlists in the Army, instantly regrets it, and deserts. Lured by a slick manager into playing a Zulu warrior in a penny side-show, Rupert dyes his skin, burns his uniform, and finds himself held hostage by his employer and pursued by an overly affectionate co-star. When he tricks the watchman into rescuing him, his escape leaves the older man saddled with the persistent performer and an outraged wife. The story endures for its dry, lower-class London wit and masterfully timed comedic misfortune.

The Story

The narrative opens on a London wharf, where an elderly night-watchman sweeps up debris while complaining about the foolish vanity of young sailors. He recalls Rupert Brown, a particularly dressy youth who got tired of dirty hands on a river barge and enlisted in the Army. Rupert soon loathed military uniform restrictions and declared his intent to desert.

While drinking in an Aldgate pub, Rupert meets a flashily dressed theatrical manager named Mr. Alfredi. Seeing an easy mark, Alfredi convinces the reluctant recruit that he possesses natural talent and offers him a role in his company. The catch is that Rupert must play a Zulu chief, requiring him to stain his skin brown and wear a leopard skin. Naïvely agreeing, Rupert follows Alfredi to a boarded-up shop on Mile End Road. There, Alfredi and his assistant, George, help Rupert burn his military uniform and boots in the fireplace. They stain his skin brown, deck him out in bracelets, and introduce him to Kumbo, a short, energetic Zulu woman who takes an immediate, enthusiastic liking to him.

Rupert discovers the "theatre" is merely a penny peep-show where he must perform wild war-dances every half-hour. The work is exhausting, and his distress grows when Kumbo pursues him aggressively, while an old woman in the audience habitually jabs him with an umbrella. Realizing he has no clothes and that Alfredi is threatening to report him as a deserter if he leaves, Rupert realizes he is trapped. He attempts to buy clothes through George, but George spends the money on liquor and returns empty-handed.

Desperate, Rupert writes a plea for help on the back of a handbill, attaches a stolen stamp, and drops it on the pavement. A passerby posts it, reaching the night-watchman. Fearing Rupert's threat to haunt the wharf as a black-faced ghost, the watchman reluctantly gathers old clothes and sneaks to the shop at midnight. Rupert dresses quickly, but as they attempt to slip away, Kumbo grabs her spears and blanket to join them.

The mismatched trio flees through the streets, drawing a large crowd until the watchman hails a cab to his wharf. After hiding in the office all night, they take another cab toward the watchman's home at dawn. Exhausted, the watchman falls asleep during the ride. When he wakes at his doorstep, Rupert has slipped away, leaving the watchman alone with Kumbo. The watchman's wife opens the front door to find her husband arriving at daybreak with a woman clinging to his arm. Alfredi later claims no knowledge of Rupert, leaving the watchman's reputation permanently ruined.

How It Unfolds

The bait is taken Rupert meets the theatrical manager in an Aldgate saloon, where the slick stranger flatters his looks and convinces him to desert the Army for a career on the stage.

The transformation In a secret backroom, Rupert burns his uniform in the hearth and allows the manager to stain his skin brown, fully committing to his new identity as a side-show Zulu.

The trap closes Rupert discovers he is locked into performing repetitive penny dances while his employer uses threats of desertion to keep him from leaving without clothes.

The desperate message After a failed attempt to buy trousers ends with his money lost, Rupert scribbles a distress note on a handbill and drops it out the door in hopes of rescue.

The midnight escape The night-watchman reluctantly arrives with clothes, but their getaway is instantly foiled when Kumbo catches them and insists on coming along.

The ultimate betrayal Rupert slips out of the moving cab at daybreak, stranding the watchman at his own doorstep to explain Kumbo's presence to his furious wife.

The People

• Rupert Brown wants to look fashionable and escape the drudgery of work and military discipline. What stands in his way is his own gullibility and lack of foresight. After burning his uniform, he ends up trapped in a fake theatrical troupe, stained brown and clad in a leopard skin, only to selfishly save himself by abandoning his rescuer.
• The Night-Watchman wants nothing more than a quiet life on the wharf and to stay out of trouble. His own superstition and reluctant good nature force him to help Rupert. He ends up with a ruined reputation and a permanently suspicious wife.
• Mr. Alfredi is a opportunistic manager who wants cheap, controllable labor for his penny exhibit. He manipulates Rupert's fear of the law to keep him performing without pay or street clothes.
• Kumbo is a performer in the side-show who wants companionship and clings devotedly to Rupert, following him relentlessly into the London streets.

In Its Own Voice

"He said that if it wasn't for the sake of good old England, and the chance o' getting six months, he'd desert."

Rupert expresses his immediate regret after enlisting in the Army to the night-watchman.

"A little," ses the manager; "but you'd soon get on to better parts--and see wot a fine disguise it is."

Mr. Alfredi downplays the extreme nature of the role to entice his target into accepting the job.

"And every inch it rose it got worse and worse to look at."

The watchman describes the slow, horrifying appearance of his wife's face as he arrives home with Kumbo.

What It's Really About

The story explores the folly of superficial vanity and the unintended consequences of foolish choices. Rupert flees the mild discomforts of military life only to fall into a far more total form of servitude, trading a uniform for a ludicrous disguise he cannot remove.

Underneath the farce lies a sharp look at working-class vulnerability and petty exploitation. Manager Alfredi preys on Rupert's illegal status, using the threat of the law to extract free labor. Meanwhile, the narrator highlights the hazard of misplaced charity; his single attempt to help a foolish friend leaves him permanently suspect in his own household, proving that good deeds rarely go unpunished in the docks.

Why Read It Today

This short piece offers an entertaining snapshot of late Victorian and Edwardian working-class London. Readers who enjoy dry, ironic humor, classic tavern storytelling, and comedic misunderstandings will appreciate the narrative voice. The story moves rapidly through its absurd premise, driven by lively dialogue and visual slapstick.

The primary hurdle for modern readers is the heavy use of phonetically written Cockney dialect, which requires an attentive ear for spoken rhythm. Additionally, the plot relies on racial impersonation and period side-show tropes that reflect the casual prejudices of its era.

What endures is W. W. Jacobs's flawless comic timing and memorable characterization. The image of the exhausted night-watchman waking up in a hansom cab to find his friend gone and a spear poking out the window is genuinely funny, making it a quick, sharp read for fans of British humorous fiction.