Diminutive dramas

In Short

Diminutive Dramas is a collection of twenty-two satirical, single-scene plays that drag legendary historical, literary, and mythological figures off their pedestals and into the mundane realities of domestic life. Across ancient Rome, classical Greece, Elizabethan backstage rooms, and suburban parlors, Maurice Baring depicts kings, philosophers, and heroes arguing over bad food, social etiquette, cheating at cards, and petty vanity. The collection endures because of its effortless comedic timing, precise modern dialogue, and timeless observation that human foolishness remains remarkably consistent across millennia.

The Story

The book presents a sequence of brief theatrical sketches, each capturing a famously dramatic figure during an unheroic, private moment.

The volume opens in London with King Henry VIII arguing furiously with Catherine Parr over his breakfast eggs, insisting they are alternately raw or overcooked, while shifting the conversation to an endless debate on historical horses. In ancient Carthage, Æneas prepares to desert Queen Dido, masking his departure behind grand claims of divine duty from Jove while she accuses him of transparent dishonesty and social betrayal.

As the collection progresses, ancient and modern worldviews collide through domestic friction. In a Florentine workshop, a sickly Italian artist named Giovanni attempts to sell a newly crafted Greek vase to a ruthless dealer, refusing to cut his prices despite being told that collectors now only care for Egyptian or Japanese novelties. Elsewhere, Charles VI of France, his Queen, and the Dauphin ruin an evening card game by accusing one another of misdeals and blatant cheating. On the London stage, a harassed William Shakespeare attempts to rehearse Macbeth, only to have the star actor, Richard Burbage, storm off in a huff because a newly written soliloquy lacks rhymes, insults the acting profession, and is too short.

In ancient Rome, Emperor Lucullus berates his cook over a single extra minute of roasting nightingales' tongues and the misplacement of butterflies' wings on a sturgeon, just as Portia, the wife of Brutus, drops by to solicit funds for the Old Slaves' Pension. Meanwhile, the Stoic philosopher Seneca uses high-minded platitudes to preach fortitude to a father whose son has become a gladiator, only to be interrupted by his own domestic headaches. In Greece, Jason casually informs Medea of his upcoming marriage to a younger princess, expecting her to handle the news gracefully, while she offers a chilled, polite smile and goes out to buy the new bride a lethal present.

Towards the volume's close, King Alfred the Great hides incognito in a Somerset hut, only to be berated by a neat-herd’s wife for letting her loaves burn because he fails to grasp her thick local dialect. Queen Eleanor tracks down Fair Rosamund, offering her a choice between a dagger and poison, but the confrontation devolves into an argument about physical looks and wardrobe choices. Velasquez attempts to finish painting his famous Venus, while his sitter complains that her nose looks like a potato and demands her eyebrows be darkened. Finally, in classical Athens, Xantippe nags Socrates for refusing his goat-meat dinner and suspecting him of dining out with friends, only for him to reveal he is leaving to face his fatal trial at the court.

How It Unfolds

The morning quarrel King Henry VIII sits down to breakfast with Catherine Parr and immediately begins complaining that his boiled egg is undercooked, dismissing her explanations about the exact boiling time and steering the domestic spat into a pedantic argument over historical trivia.

The heroic excuse In Carthage, Queen Dido confronts Æneas about his secret preparations to sail away, dismissing his claims of divine commands from Jove as a flimsy cover for deserting her and ruining her political alliances.

The theatrical disaster During a fraught rehearsal for Macbeth, actor Richard Burbage gets hit on his rheumatic shoulder during a sword-fight and later walks out of the production when Shakespeare presents the "To-morrow, and to-morrow" speech, complaining it lacks rhyme and insults the acting profession.

The administrative dispute King Agamemnon tries to convince his daughter Iphigenia to voluntarily consent to her own ritual sacrifice for the sake of political expediency and military wind, only for her mother Clytæmnestra to intervene and flatly refuse to allow her daughter to participate in the farce.

The domestic farewell Xantippe berates her husband Socrates for refusing to eat his meal, accusing him of lying about his evening plans, until he quietly reveals that he has been formally impeached and must face his deadly trial before the Athenian court.

The People

• King Henry VIII: A demanding monarch who wants his breakfast eggs cooked to an exact standard, prone to petty complaints and endless debate.
• Catherine Parr: A patient yet firm queen who tries to manage her husband's shifting moods while defending her household methods.
• Æneas: A Trojan leader who uses divine mandate and paternal duty to justify abandoning his personal obligations and fleeing his lover.
• Dido: The Queen of Carthage, who cuts through grand romantic and religious excuses with sharp, practical accusations of betrayal and deceit.
• Richard Burbage: A prominent, vain actor who refuses to perform lines that do not flatter his ego or adhere to traditional poetic forms.
• William Shakespeare: A mild, pragmatic playwright attempting to manage high-strung actors while introducing new theatrical speeches.
• Lucullus: An aging Roman epicure who demands absolute precision in culinary luxury and judges human worth by the timing of a roast.
• Medea: A composure-filled woman who conceals her lethal vengefulness beneath a polite, smiling exterior when discarded by her husband.
• Socrates: A philosophical husband who endures his wife's sharp accusations of impiety and deceit, maintaining calm even on the eve of his execution.
• Xantippe: A frustrated wife driven to tears and anger by her husband's unconventional lifestyle, who misinterprets his legal crisis as a dietary failing.

In Its Own Voice

Henry VIII grumbles over a ruined morning meal: "I don’t want a hard egg and I don’t want a raw egg. I want them to be cooked just right."

Queen Dido cuts down Æneas' grand heroic excuses: "Oh! you don’t expect me to believe for a moment all that nonsense about Jove."

Richard Burbage expresses his absolute disdain for new theatrical blank verse: "It’s a third too short. There’s not a single rhyme in it. It’s got nothing to do with the situation, and it’s an insult to the stage."

What It's Really About

Beneath the comedic dialogue, the book explores the gap between grand historical myth and the small realities of human nature. By placing legendary figures in ordinary situations, Baring strips away romanticism to show that human beings, regardless of their era, are governed by vanity, stubbornness, and administrative irritation. The sketches question the validity of historical reputation, suggesting that famous events and tragic legends were likely accompanied by petty bickering, domestic misunderstandings, and ordinary selfishness.

Why Read It Today

This collection will delight readers who appreciate light, intelligent satire, theatrical parodies, and sharp, witty dialogue. Baring’s writing feels incredibly fresh because he uses modern conversational phrasing to ground figures from antiquity, medieval legend, and classic literature.

The reading experience is light and fast-paced, structured like a series of quick comedy sketches that can be read individually or straight through. While modern readers may occasionally run into obscure historical references, dialect choices like the neat-herd's thick speech, or forgotten theatrical conventions, the core humor remains entirely accessible. What lingers after reading is a delightful, irreverent perspective on human history—a reminder that no matter how monumental an era might look in a textbook, the people living through it were still complaining about cold food, card games, and bad weather.