Grimm Tales Made Gay

In Short

Guy Wetmore Carryl reimagines twenty classic fairy tales through a thoroughly modern, razor-sharp lens. Instead of gentle morals and happily-ever-afters, these verses present selfish sisters, opportunistic princes, and absurdly mismanaged magical encounters. Operating within traditional folklore frameworks, Carryl dismantles expected heroics with turn-of-the-century social satire, slang, and unexpected twists. The collection has endured because its wit is endlessly nimble, turning familiar bedtime stories into biting observations on human nature that remain remarkably fresh.

The Story

The book opens by upending the traditional tragic sentimentality of fairy tales. In the premier tale, two wealthy children disinherit their scheming uncle from beyond the grave by leaving behind a neatly folded will. From this subverted starting point, the collection systematically systematically dismantles established nursery lore. Cinderella’s story does not end in pure romance; her pretentious sisters Gwendolyn and Gladys, bound by tight corsets and desperate for titled husbands, are thoroughly outclassed when a crone equips Cinderella to make them look like "thirty-seven cents." When Little Red Riding Hood arrives at her grandmother's cottage—having spent her youth collecting endless prizes for hyper-virtuous behavior—she finds no miraculous rescue; the hungry wolf simply devours the overachieving lass on the spot.

Human folly continues to drive every outcome. A peasant attempts to use a fairy’s blessing to abolish all sickness, only to be savagely beaten and financially ruined by enraged local doctors and pharmacists whose livelihoods were threatened. Hop o' My Thumb outsmarts his destitute parents who try to abandon him, returning home to force their humble submission. Meanwhile, Blue-Beard’s curious wife turns the key in the forbidden closet and meets the exact bloody fate of her predecessors, her severed head joining the rest in his study without any magical intervention to save her.

Social climbing and material greed meet equally cynical ends. Rumplestilzchen spins flax into trousers for a harassed girl, but his secret name is trivialized because the narrator simply cannot find a suitable rhyme for it. A young Jack grows up under an overbearing father who forces him to read classic literature; Jack gets his revenge by becoming a ferocious literary critic who ruthlessly slaughters every "giant" of thought in print. In another tale, a girl whose words turn to pearls marries a man who loves her only when she speaks, while her rude sister, cursed to drop toads, pretends to be dumb and promptly attracts a swarming circle of wealthy suitors.

The collection moves toward its conclusion with relentless satirical momentum. Beauty marries a coarse, wealthy creditor to save her father, only to drive her new husband insane with her extravagant spending and endless bills. A prince seeking to awaken a sleeping princess finds himself grilled on his financial motives before she agrees to marry him. Fortunatus travels the world with a magical teleporting cap, only to realize the real cost is buying endless gifts to placate a suspicious wife waiting at home. Finally, a clever fisherman tricks an escaped genie right back into his bottle, sealing the jar tight and charging summer tourists a fee to hear the story, leaving no doubt that shrewd pragmatism reigns supreme.

How It Unfolds

The Voyage Begins A wealthy father dies, leaving his fortune to his young children, prompting their uncle to take them in under the guise of quiet farm life. After enjoying a week of country chores, the children perish, but they leave behind a crease-folded note that completely disinherits their guardian.

Sisters Outmatched Two vain sisters spend their days squeezing into tight corsets and dreaming of marrying nobility while forcing their sister Leonore to do all the housework. A fairy crone intervenes, providing Leonore with an extravagant coach and gown that utterly humiliate her siblings before the prince.

The Paragon's Fall A ridiculously virtuous young girl wins endless academic prizes and spends her childhood nursing the sick and teaching Sunday school. Carrying a basket filled with delicacies and reading material to her grandmother's house, she runs straight into a wolf and is promptly eaten.

Medical Retaliation An well-meaning peasant uses a fairy wish to instantly cure every sick person in his town, expecting widespread gratitude for his selfless act. Instead, the local physicians and pharmacists beat him severely for destroying their trade and charge him exorbitant fees for his injuries.

Linguistic Defeat An awkward girl with no chin and terrible grammar meets an enchanted frog who offers to become a prince if she will marry him. Upon hearing her unrefined speech, the frog realizes his mistake and dives straight back into the river to escape her.

The Fatal Slip An Arab youth named Aladdin uses a magical lamp to build a luxurious estate and acquire a beautiful wife. His new bride, obsessed with collecting rare postage stamps, trades the lamp away for a rare piece from Ecuador, causing his entire palace to vanish while he is taking a bath.

The Trap Resealed A seaside fisherman opens a sealed jar on the beach, inadvertently releasing a massive, threatening genie who vows to destroy him. The fisherman tricks the giant entity into proving it can fit back inside the container, then pops the cork back in to exploit the tale for tourist money.

The People

• H. Gustavus Hyde's Children: Young Paul and Beatrix seem helpless when taken in by their scheming uncle, but their final written act proves they possess a shrewd foresight that thoroughly outwits their guardian.
• Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates: Two incredibly vain, status-obsessed sisters who lace their waists tight to catch titled husbands, only to be completely snubbed when their neglected sister outshines them.
• Little Red Riding Hood: An insufferable overachiever and paragon of virtue who spends her youth earning prizes and helping the poor, only to discover that her credentials mean nothing to a hungry wolf.
• The Well-Meaning Peasant: A docile, foolish man who tries to help his community by wishing away all illness, ultimately learning that altruism can provoke violent outrage from those who profit from suffering.
• Jack: A young man raised on a rigorous, forced diet of classical literature who turns his resentment into a career as a ruthless literary critic, tearing down famous authors to satisfy his desire for revenge.
• Matilda Maud Mackenzie: An unattractive, unrefined girl whose clumsy rubber-ball throwing leads her to an enchanted frog, though her crude speech quickly sends the creature diving back into the water.
• Aladdin: A comfortable youth who uses a magical lamp to build a grand life, only to see his entire fortune disappear because his wife prioritizes her stamp collection over his magical heirlooms.

In Its Own Voice

"Because of lack of any merit, B. Hyde," it ran, "we disinherit!"

Upon the sudden demise of two young children, their scheming uncle discovers a folded paper left beside their bodies that strips him of his expected fortune.

When the neighbors came running, the wolf to subdue, He was licking his chops, (and Red Riding Hood's, too!)

A hyper-virtuous young girl arrives at her grandmother's house with a basket of supplies, only to encounter a beast that brings her brilliant career to an abrupt end.

"I acknowledge a measure of Levering Levering-ed the whole of the lump!"

In the book's final lines, the author breaks character to give full credit to his illustrator for helping bring the humorous parodies to life.

What It's Really About

Beneath its playful rhymes and lively fairy-tale transformations, the book is a sharp critique of early twentieth-century social posturing, vanity, and shallow materialism. It systematically dismantles the cozy moral messaging of traditional folklore, replacing poetic justice with the cold reality of human self-interest. Characters who act out of pure altruism or unchecked curiosity are routinely punished, while those who possess pragmatic wit, financial leverage, or sheer audacity come out on top. The verses mock everything from forced academic pretension and high-society marriage markets to the booming consumer culture of medical tonics and obscure hobbies. Ultimately, the book argues that modern life is governed not by magical benevolence, but by opportunism, cleverness, and the unyielding laws of self-preservation.

Why Read It Today

Modern readers will find a surprisingly sharp, irreverent gem that feels closer to modern satirical verse than a dusty century-old artifact. Guy Wetmore Carryl writes with astonishing linguistic agility, packing his stanzas with intricate rhyming schemes, clever wordplay, and unexpected rhythmic turns. Reading this collection feels like watching an expert juggler execute complex tricks with absolute ease; the humor relies on swift shifts between archaic fairy-tale tropes and snappy period slang.

The book does reflect its original era, featuring references to late Victorian literary figures, regional French phrasing, and turn-of-the-century social norms that may require a moment's thought. Its relentless cynicism and deliberate subversion of happy endings might also feel brisk to those expecting gentle humor. However, these period quirks only add to its distinctive charm. Anyone who enjoys wordplay, dark humor, or clever parodies of classic tropes will find this collection immensely entertaining. It leaves you with an appreciation for verse that refuses to take itself seriously while maintaining complete technical mastery over its form.

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