How to Settle Accounts with your Laundress: An Original Farce, in One Act

In Short

This farce is a classic example of 19th-century comic theater, centering on Whittington Widgetts, a tailor who thinks he has climbed above his station. When he attempts to host an opera dancer for a secret supper, his former love, Mary White, orchestrates a series of clever disguises and pranks to humble him. Fast-paced and lighthearted, the play thrives on the absurdity of its situation and the sheer energy of its characters, offering a charming, if slight, look at the social anxieties and romantic tropes of the Victorian era.

The Story

Whittington Widgetts, a tailor living in Jermyn Street, has recently come into a small fortune, which he believes entitles him to abandon his humble past—and his long-time commitment to Mary White, the local laundress. With dreams of social climbing, Widgetts arranges a private supper for Mdlle. Cheri Bounce, a dancer from the Opera House. However, Mary, who holds a promissory note for their marriage, discovers the plan. Furious and feeling betrayed, she decides to teach him a lesson.

With the help of Jacob Brown, a hairdresser who also feels spurned by Cheri Bounce, Mary stages a fake suicide. She dresses a tailor’s dummy in her own clothes and stuffs it into a water-butt in the shop's kitchen. She leaves a note for Widgetts, claiming that his infidelity has driven her to drown herself. When Widgetts discovers the “body”—complete with visible green boots—he is thrown into a state of panic, terrified that he will be implicated in a murder.

As Widgetts descends into a delirium of guilt and fear, Mary reappears in the shop disguised as a young man. She pretends to be a detective, effectively taunting him while she manages to be present for the arrival of the supper he ordered. Widgetts, trying to hide his secret, is forced to act as his own waiter and endure the presence of the "detective" while he desperately tries to dispose of the "corpse" in the kitchen. The situation escalates when the actual Cheri Bounce arrives for the meal, only to find the "detective" (Mary) and the panicked, wig-wearing Widgetts.

The ruse reaches a climax when Brown arrives, threatening Widgetts, and the dummy is discovered. Widgetts, believing the spirit of his laundress is haunting him, confesses his sins and agrees to marry Mary if she will only return. Mary then reveals her true identity, showing that she is alive, well, and entirely capable of outsmarting her former flame. The play concludes with a flurry of reconciliations: Cheri Bounce agrees to marry Brown, and Widgetts, thoroughly chastised and relieved to be free of his "ghost," accepts his fate. The tailor delivers a final, playful warning to the audience about the dangers of ignoring one's laundress.

How It Unfolds

The tailor’s hubris Widgetts, emboldened by a recent legacy, prepares to host a romantic supper for a dancer while dismissing his past life in "Fuller's Rents." He treats his page, Barney Twill, with newfound arrogance and attempts to dress in the finest clothes intended for his customers.

The laundress’s revenge Mary White enters, finds proof of his upcoming date, and conspires with the jilted hairdresser Brown to destroy Widgetts’ composure. They construct a "body" out of a dummy and a water-butt to convince the tailor he has driven his love to a watery grave.

The dinner of terrors Widgetts, convinced he is a murderer, is tormented by the "detective" (Mary in disguise) who eats the meal he prepared for another woman. He is forced to serve his own supper while terrified by what he believes to be the supernatural presence of his victim.

The final confrontation The arrival of the dancer and the spurned suitor Brown brings the farce to its breaking point. Widgetts’ attempts to hide his identity fail, and he is forced to face the "ghost" of Mary, ultimately conceding to her demands before the ruse is revealed.

The People

Whittington Widgetts is the central figure, a man defined by his vanity and his clumsy attempts to shed his working-class roots. He wants romance and social status, but his cowardice and lack of awareness constantly sabotage him. Mary White is the engine of the plot; she is sharp, resourceful, and deeply unimpressed by Widgetts’ new pretensions. She wants justice for his broken promises and uses her wit to force him into a position where he must reckon with his own actions. Jacob Brown serves as a volatile ally to Mary, motivated by his own romantic jealousy, while Mdlle. Cheri Bounce is the object of the men’s affections, serving as a catalyst for the chaos. Finally, Barney Twill, the page, acts as a comedic observer, often highlighting the absurdity of his master’s behavior through his own simple, down-to-earth perspective.

In Its Own Voice

"This night I devote to the tender union of love and lobsters."

Widgetts, intoxicated by his own importance, justifies his plans for a secret supper with an opera dancer.

"I've a good mind to read it; I've no secrets from him and he has none from me--or, at least he oughtn't to--so it can be no harm."

Mary White justifies her decision to open the note that reveals Widgetts' plan to deceive her.

"She's not me, but the dummy figure, dressed up in some of my clothes."

Mary finally drops her disguise, revealing the trick she used to expose Widgetts' vanity.

What It's Really About

At its core, the play explores the tension between social aspiration and personal integrity. Widgetts’ desire to move beyond his life in "Fuller's Rents" is presented as a foolish rejection of his true self. The play argues that vanity and the neglect of one’s basic commitments—represented by the unpaid washing bills—are the true sources of the protagonist's misery. There is also a light critique of the era's class-conscious social posturing; Widgetts' attempt to play the gentleman is constantly undercut by his background as a tailor. Ultimately, it poses the question of whether a person can ever truly escape their history, suggesting that those who try to "settle accounts" with their past by ignoring them will inevitably find themselves confronted by them.

Why Read It Today

This farce is a delightful curiosity for anyone who enjoys the mechanics of 19th-century stage comedy. It feels remarkably fast, designed to be performed in under an hour, and it moves with a frantic, slapstick energy that is still recognizable today. The dialogue is punctuated by the specific, colorful slang of the period, which gives the play a distinct, vibrant flavor. However, a modern reader should be prepared for the period’s rigid gender roles and the slightly cynical view of "opera girls" and domestic workers that were common in Victorian popular theater.

What lingers after reading is the sheer creativity of the plot—the image of a tailor desperately trying to act like a waiter in his own shop while a "corpse" looms in the kitchen is pure, timeless comedy. It is a light, undemanding read that serves as a fascinating window into what audiences of the 1840s found funny. While it lacks the psychological depth of later drama, its warmth and its focus on the "little man" being taken down a peg or two remain as satisfying now as they were on the Adelphi stage. It is best enjoyed by those who appreciate a well-executed, harmless bit of chaos.