In the Sweet Dry and Dry

In Short

Co-written on the eve of Volstead Act enforcement, this 1919 satirical novel chronicles the absurd struggle between a militant crusade against alcohol and a clandestine syndicate fighting for merriment. When a tyrannical bishop bans even fermenting gooseberries and dandelions, a weary newsman and a flamboyant activist lead a underground resistance. Deploying gas masks, psychic seances, and loophole politics, they turn national sobriety on its head by creating a single constitutionally mandated public drinker. It endures as a sharp, joyful piece of American humor, poking fun at legal overreach, human hypocrisy, and the irresistible lure of forbidden pleasures.

The Story

The narrative opens in the hot, quiet newsroom of The Evening Balloon, where managing editor Dunraven Bleak faces a dry, tedious existence under the shadow of sweeping Prohibition laws. He meets Virgil Quimbleton, the theatrical leader of the secret Happiness Corporation, who operates in disguise out of a house on Caraway Street. Quimbleton reveals that his society—originally formed to bring good cheer to a weary world—must now fight an open war against the militant "Pan-Antis." This crusade is led by the fanatical Bishop Chuff, who seeks to eradicate alcohol by legally banning the natural principle of fermentation and eradicating plants like dandelions and gooseberries.

As the Pan-Antis march down the boulevard singing their terrifying anti-enjoyment anthem, Quimbleton’s forces launch an airborne counter-attack, raining down intoxicating gooseberry-gas bombs. The strike is foiled when Chuff foresees the plot and equips his marchers with military gas-masks. Although the gas-cloud leaves the paraders unscathed, the Bishop's horse breathes in the fumes, becomes exuberantly intoxicated, and eventually lies down in the street, forcing an ambulance from the Federal Home for Inebriates to haul the horse away.

In the aftermath, Congress passes drastic legislation suspending all relations with Nature, banning fermentation, and sending expeditionary forces to lay waste to offending plants. Quimbleton, forced into hiding in the overgrown grounds of the abandoned Federal Home for Inebriates in Cana, New Jersey, is tracked down by Bleak and Theodolinda Chuff—the Bishop's daughter, who has defected to the cause of good cheer. Trapped by a cordon of enemy troops, Quimbleton and Theodolinda rally the captives inside the facility. Utilizing Theodolinda's extraordinary psychic powers, they host a "psychic seance" where the inmates place one foot on an imaginary brass rail, recall their favorite bars, and experience "psychical jags" through spiritual communion with departed liquors.

Following their escape, the group takes to the road as a troupe of nomad performers known as "The Decanterbury Pilgrims," traveling by wheelbarrow and spreading illicit cheer while fleeing Chuff's forces. To resolve the total destruction of public life, Quimbleton and Theodolinda negotiate an armistice with the Bishop. They propose a constitutional loophole: the election of a single "Perpetual Souse," an official granted a public salary to drink on behalf of the entire nation so the populace remains dry. Bleak runs for the office, defeats a former bartender named Jerry Purplevein, and is installed in a luxurious marble bar located within a glass dome where citizens watch him drink. Yet the absurd conflict ends with a final twist of human nature: after secretly visiting Bleak’s temple and seeing the hidden merriment of the spectators, the fanatical Bishop Chuff cancels his retirement and registers as a candidate for Perpetual Souse in the next election.

How It Unfolds

The julep mystery Dunraven Bleak meets the disguised Virgil Quimbleton in a quiet house on Caraway Street, learning of the Happiness Corporation and its battle to keep joy alive against moral reformers.

The gooseberry parade Bishop Chuff leads a massive rally of Pan-Antis singing anti-happiness anthems, which Quimbleton attacks with aerial gooseberry-gas bombs, only to be foiled when the marchers don gas masks and the Bishop's horse gets drunk.

Nature declared illegal Congress officially outlaws the laws of nature, banning fermentation and drafting expeditionary forces to eradicate dandelions and gooseberries across the country.

The seance at Cana Quimbleton and the defected Theodolinda Chuff are cornered at an abandoned inebriate asylum, where Theodolinda uses her psychic powers to host an alcoholic seance, summoning the "spirits" of vanished liquors for the inmates.

The Decanterbury Pilgrims Driven into nomadic hiding after Chuff outlaws the printing press, the group tours the countryside in a wheelbarrow, performing illicit rituals and folklore games to eke out a living.

A constitutional compromise The fugitives negotiate an armistice with Bishop Chuff, introducing a scheme to elect one official "Perpetual Souse" to do all the nation's drinking in a designated glass dome.

The campaign and triumph Bleak runs against former bartender Jerry Purplevein for the office of Perpetual Souse, winning the election when a red searchlight beam signals his victory to millions.

The Bishop's conversion Installed in a lavish marble bar inside a low-vacuum dome, Bleak carries out his solemn duty while Bishop Chuff, observing the public's secret merriment, decides to run for the drinking office himself.

The People

• Dunraven Bleak: A lean, weary managing editor who longs for the days before lukewarm water replaced good cheer. He reluctantly becomes the movement's public figure, eventually getting elected to the solemn, lonely office of Perpetual Souse.
• Virgil Quimbleton: The theatrical, optimistic head of the Happiness Corporation who disguises himself in false white hair and lilac garments. He fights for human merriment through elaborate schemes, bomb attacks, and loophole negotiations.
• Bishop Chuff: A ruthless, pitiless moral reformer who leads the Pan-Antis, outlaws fermentation, and declares war on Nature itself. His fanatical drive crumbles only when he realizes the hidden joys of the office he sought to destroy.
• Theodolinda Chuff: The Bishop's daughter who rebels against her father's rigid upbringing and becomes the "Jeanne d'Arc" of the Happiness Corporation. She uses her unique psychic powers to conduct alcoholic seances for thirsty citizens.
• Jerry Purplevein: A friendly former bartender reduced to selling ice-cream cones who runs against Bleak for Perpetual Souse on the "Practical Man" platform, later becoming Bleak's dedicated official bartender.
• Mrs. Bleak: Dunraven's pragmatic wife who worries constantly about family expenses, accepting her husband's strange political career only when guaranteed a public bungalow as "Perpetual Spouse."

In Its Own Voice

"Hurrah! Hurrah! We're anti-everything-- / Hurrah! Hurrah! An end to joy we sing: / Come let's make life doleful and then death will lose its sting, / Happiness is only a habit!" — The terrifying chorus of the Gooseberry Anthem, sung by thousands of Bishop Chuff's marching Pan-Antis as they rally to legislate the earth dry.

"AND FOR THE strict enforcement of this Act, the Pan-Antis are authorized and empowered to organize expeditionary forces, by recruitment or (if necessary) by conscription and draft, to proceed into the territory of the enemy, lay waste and ravage all dandelions, gooseberries and other unlawful plants." — The official text of the congressional act suspending all legal relations with Nature after her plants attempt to ferment.

"I have no patience with the doctrine of complete immersion. Ever since I was first admitted to the bar I have deplored the conduct of those violent and vulgar revelers who have brought discredit upon the loveliest, most delicate art known to man." — Dunraven Bleak accepting the nomination for Perpetual Souse, arguing that drinking is an art far too fragile to be left to the common crowd.

What It's Really About

Written at the dawn of the Prohibition era, the novel serves as a pointed satire on political overreach, moral fanaticism, and the futility of legislating human desire. Through its absurdity—such as repealing the laws of physics or outlawing fermenting fruits—the narrative argues that extreme prohibition merely heightens the allure of the forbidden while turning ordinary citizens into absurd conspirators. The story explores how institutional dogmatism inevitably collapses under its own hypocrisy; even the most ruthless reformer cannot resist the allure of the very pleasures he spends his life trying to eradicate. Underneath the farce lies a defense of simple human warmth, companionship, and the vital role that unburdened merriment plays in a healthy society.

Why Read It Today

This lighthearted period piece offers a fascinating, wildly creative time capsule of American satire written at the exact moment National Prohibition became law in 1919. Readers who enjoy absurdism, political farce, and wordplay will appreciate Morley and Haley's sharp wit and infectious sense of fun. Reading it feels like stumbling onto a lost theatrical comedy, filled with exaggerated villains, bizarre inventions, and delightfully archaic slang.

Modern readers should be prepared for the story's episodic, whimsical pacing, which relies heavily on topical humor, mock-heroic speeches, and silly plot devices rather than deep character development. The prose reflects the journalistic style and social attitudes of the early twentieth century, complete with sweeping caricatures of political movements and dated cultural references. Yet its core joke—that passing extreme laws only makes people find crazier ways to have fun—remains as fresh and funny today as it was over a century ago. It is an ideal, quick read for anyone who delights in watching human stubbornness outwit official tyranny.