More Goops and How Not to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants

In Short

Published in 1903, Gelett Burgess’s More Goops and How Not to Be Them is a playful instructional manual of child etiquette told through short, rhyming cautionary verses. Addressing impolite behaviors ranging from eating untidily to throwing tantrums and ruining furniture, the narrator contrasts the disruptive actions of "Goops" with the considerate choices of well-mannered children. The book has endured because of its lighthearted approach to moral instruction, using humor, memorable rhythm, and memorable characterizations to turn everyday lessons in civility into an engaging game of self-improvement for young readers.

The Story

The book opens with a frank confession from the narrator, who admits to having broken nearly every rule of etiquette before attending school. This personal admission sets a reassuring, relatable tone: good behavior is not an innate trait, but a learned habit forged by correcting past mistakes. From this starting point, the work unfolds as a comprehensive survey of child behavior across a variety of daily settings, guiding the reader from home life to public spaces.

Early in the text, the verses focus on individual habits and household conduct. The reader encounters children who mark up windowpanes with greasy noses, pull chairs out from under unsuspecting guests, or pound ruthlessly on piano keys. The narrator exposes these acts not merely as naughty, but as foolish and disruptive to family harmony. Food etiquette receives detailed treatment: verses instruct children on how to handle soup spoons correctly, how to avoid picking at frosting or crusts before dinner, and why eating continuously throughout the day leads to a ruined appetite.

As the text progresses, the focus expands to social interactions beyond the immediate family. The narrator tackles the art of visiting friends, warning children not to overstay their welcome, demand extra food, or invite themselves over without parental permission. The principles of hospitality and loyalty take center stage, emphasizing that children must respect their hosts, refrain from gossiping, and accept consequences for their own misdeeds rather than blaming siblings or playmates. Public conduct is addressed with equal care, covering safety hazards like kicking peelings onto sidewalks, clinging to moving streetcars, and throwing trash around picnic grounds.

In its final movement, the book presents vivid contrasts between bad examples and positive role models. Readers meet Ezekiel, whose honesty and helpfulness earn universal affection, and Mello, whose selfishness makes him widely disliked. The narrator addresses personal hygiene and care of belongings, warning against wiping messy hands on clothes, leaving bathwater in bowls, or playing carelessly with ink. The book concludes with a humorous image of clothing made from soap and towels for those who refuse to stay clean, leaving young readers with a clear choice between remaining a nuisance or striving to be considerate, polite members of their households.

How It Unfolds

The narrator's confession The author admits that he frequently misbehaved as a young child and broke almost every rule before attending school. He uses his own past errors to demonstrate that good manners can be learned through experience and reflection.

Household misdeeds Early verses catalogue common domestic disruptions, such as leaving greasy marks on windowpanes, pulling chairs away from under people, and pounding noisily on piano keys. The text shows how thoughtlessness creates frustration for parents and visitors alike.

Table manners and meals The focus shifts to dining behavior, offering practical advice on holding soup spoons and folding napkins. Cautionary verses illustrate how nibbling snacks all afternoon or touching every item on a serving platter ruins mealtime for everyone.

Social visiting and hospitality Rules for visiting neighbors highlight the importance of knowing when to leave and never begging for food or invitations. The narrator explains the law of hospitality, which requires guests to show gratitude and respect toward those who share their homes.

Public behavior and safety The narrative turns toward outdoor conduct, warning children against leaving trash in streets or picnic grounds, making excessive noise, and hanging onto the backs of moving carts. Kindness to animals and consideration for passersby are strongly encouraged.

Contrasting characters The book presents distinct examples of behavior, comparing the well-liked Ezekiel, who admits his mistakes and helps others, with the surly Mello, who hides his candy and refuses to share. These comparisons emphasize the social consequences of one's actions.

Final lessons on cleanliness The concluding verses address personal care, warning against playing with ink, wearing dirty clothes, and wiping fingers on garments. The book ends with a playful summary of what happens to those who choose to live like Goops.

The People

The Narrator The central authority of the book, who desires to teach children etiquette through humor and honest reflection. Having misbehaved frequently in his own youth, he approaches the reader as a sympathetic guide rather than a strict disciplinarian, ultimately achieving his goal of transforming past mistakes into helpful lessons.

Nell the Nibbler A young girl driven by her immediate desire for sweets, who eats chocolates, cake, and doughnuts every hour of the afternoon. Her constant grazing leaves her with an upset stomach and no appetite for dinner, illustrating the consequences of uncontrolled indulgence.

Ezekiel A polite and reliable boy who wants to live in harmony with those around him. He readily admits his mistakes, completes errands quickly, and refuses to bully others, earning the affection and respect of everyone he meets.

Mello A selfish and surly child who wants to keep everything for himself. He hides his candy from playmates, refuses to participate in shared games, and uses unkind language, resulting in total isolation as those around him reject his disagreeable company.

In Its Own Voice

"For that is how I learned the way / To teach you etiquette to-day."

The narrator reflects on his own childhood misdeeds, explaining that his past mistakes allow him to guide young readers toward better behavior.

"To every one who gives me food, / Or shares his home with me, / I owe a debt of gratitude, / And I must loyal be."

This verse summarizes the foundational rule of hospitality, reminding children of the respect owed to hosts and caretakers.

"He never would bully, / Although he was strong!"

The text describes Ezekiel's character, highlighting how strength should be paired with kindness rather than aggression.

What It's Really About

Beneath its playful rhymes and humorous scenarios, the book is an inquiry into the foundations of social harmony and personal responsibility. It argues that good manners are not arbitrary social requirements, but essential expressions of empathy, fairness, and respect for others. By contrasting the chaotic self-centeredness of the Goops with the peaceful consideration of polite children, the text highlights how small, daily choices impact family life and community wellbeing. It asks young readers to consider the effort their parents expend on their behalf, urging them to develop self-awareness, take ownership of their mistakes, and treat both people and property with lasting care.

Why Read It Today

Modern readers, parents, and educators will find this volume a charming period artifact that remains surprisingly effective as a teaching tool. Its lighthearted verse and inventive phrasing make discussions of conduct engaging rather than preachy, offering a refreshing contrast to formal instructional texts. The rhythmic structure ensures that the maxims remain easy to remember, while the absurd imagery of Goop behavior provides genuine amusement.

While contemporary audiences may note dated references to streetcars, oilcloths, and strict period domestic expectations, these historical details enhance the book's nostalgic charm. Readers who appreciate classic children's verse, humorous etiquette guides, and early twentieth-century literature will enjoy its clever phrasing and clear moral framework. It stands as a warm, memorable guide to consideration that continues to resonate across generations.