Muley's morals

In Short

W. C. Tuttle's Muley's Morals is a comical Western short story about four footloose cowboys—Muley Bowles, Henry Clay Peck, Telescope Tolliver, and Chuck Warner—who are fired from the Cross J ranch after eating their employer's high-priced imported hens. Broke and wandering into the town of Paradise, the foursome stumbles into a plot to rob the local bank. Through a series of ludicrous misunderstandings, improvised pranks with skunks and a tin spittoon, and sheer dumb luck, the four range hands accidentally foil the robbery, reclaim their ranch jobs, and learn a few ironic lessons about honesty along the way.

The Story

The tale opens at the Cross J ranch, where old man Whittaker furiously banishes four of his cowpunchers: Muley Bowles, Telescope Tolliver, Chuck Warner, and narrator Henry Clay Peck. The quartet's crime is simple but unforgivable—famished after two weeks on the roundup and faced with a terrible new ranch cook, they stole three speckled hens from a box in the barn and cooked a night-time stew. Unluckily for them, Whittaker had just imported the prize birds from the East for fifteen dollars each. Fired with less than a dollar between them, the four ride off toward the town of Paradise, exchanging bad poetry, off-key songs, and complaints.

Along the road, they encounter Pole Cat Perkins, a hermit who lives in a dugout with pet skunks, and Bill McFee, the local sheriff who carries a claw-hammer instead of a gun after accidentally shooting off his own toe while posting reward notices. McFee shows them a poster offering a thousand-dollar reward for information on a recent bank robbery at Silver Bend. At Seeping Springs, Muley finds a torn slip of paper containing cryptic code numbers and notes about a window and dynamite.

Upon arriving in Paradise, the friends try to raise money. Chuck secretly schemes with old Doc Milliken to borrow skunks from Pole Cat Perkins, intending to plant them in the local bank as a prank or trap. Meanwhile, inside Mike Pelly's saloon, a rowdy brawl erupts. Muley hits Sheriff McFee with a tin cuspidor, wedging it over the lawman's head, and in the dark outside, Chuck and Telescope prank Muley and Henry by putting their saddles on backward, leading to a hilarious horseback accident.

Later that night, Chuck and Telescope lead the group to wait near the bank. Observing an intruder sneaking in through an unlocked window, Telescope uses McFee's hammer and a nail to trap the burglar inside. When the town council and citizens unlock the front door to apprehend the culprit, two live skunks previously planted inside by Chuck spray the entire party, causing total chaos. The suffocating, foul-smelling intruder who stumbles out into the street turns out to be Sheriff McFee himself, who was secretly conspiring with bank cashier Frank Allen to loot the vault.

Back at the saloon, old man Whittaker passes out drunk, and his boots are nailed to the floor by Muley as a joke. When Whittaker wakes up thinking he is paralyzed, Muley tricks him into granting all four cowboys their jobs back with a raise from forty to seventy-five dollars a month. It is then revealed that the "ransom" iron boxes Chuck and Telescope took from the bank safe contained no money—Whittaker had hidden the cash in a woodpile and stored four dozen fancy hatching eggs in the safe instead. The four friends head back to the Cross J ranch in Whittaker's buckboard, rich in stories, eggs, and jobs.

How It Unfolds

The voyage begins Old man Whittaker catches his four cowhands eating a stew made from his fifteen-dollar imported hens and drives them off the Cross J ranch with a rifle and curses. Broke and jobless, the four ride down the trail toward Paradise, singing mournful tunes and trading rimed verses.

Unsavory encounters on the road The displaced hands meet Pole Cat Perkins, a smelly hermit who raises skunks, followed by Sheriff Bill McFee, who carries a claw-hammer to post bank-robbery reward posters. At Seeping Springs, Muley discovers a torn piece of paper bearing coded safe numbers and cryptic break-in instructions.

Ruckus at Mike Pelly's place In Paradise, Muley uses a tin spittoon to clobber Sheriff McFee during a saloon argument, while Chuck and Telescope secretly reverse Muley and Henry's saddles. Riding off blindly, Henry and Muley get thrown backward into mesquite bushes before returning to town on foot.

Trapping the bank robber Stakeout behind the bank leads to action when a figure climbs through an open window; Telescope slams the window shut and nails it tight with McFee's hammer. When townsfolk unlock the front door, they are driven back by a horrific stench, only to discover the trapped robber is Sheriff McFee himself.

Nailing down a resolution In the saloon, Muley nails drunken old man Whittaker's boots to the floorboards, convincing the old man he is paralyzed until he agrees to rehire the four with a substantial raise. Whittaker reveals his bank money was safe in a woodpile, and the four punchers ride back to the ranch with their jobs secured.

The People

Muley Bowles A heavy-set cowboy who rides work-horses because he crushes smaller broncs, Muley serves as the self-appointed "Poet Lariat of Yaller Rock County." He wants food, money for gambling, and a good laugh. Despite his soft, corn-fed appearance, he packs two revolvers and possesses a sharp, opportunistic wit. Muley uses his quick thinking—and a pair of nails through old man Whittaker's boots—to secure a raise and a job for himself and his partners.

Henry Clay Peck The story's narrator, Henry considers himself a self-made man who plays the banjo with flair and sings loud enough to silence nature. He wants to stay out of trouble and keep a few cents in his pocket, but his loyalty to his three companions continually lands him in absurd scrapes, including being thrown backward into a mesquite bush.

Telescope Tolliver A tall, smooth-talking Kentuckian with a soothing singing voice, Telescope prides himself on his Southern lineage and vocal talents. He wants respect and easy money, reacting with deep offense when refused a job without a reference. He leads the physical action during the bank ambush, using a hammer to trap the intruder.

Chuck Warner Short-legged with a Roman nose and an ability to wiggle his ears fluently, Chuck has an utter disregard for the truth and a knack for stewing chicken. He wants payback against old man Whittaker and orchestrates the prank involving Pole Cat Perkins's skunks.

Old Man Whittaker The short-tempered, wealthy owner of the Cross J ranch and part-owner of the local banks, Whittaker wants absolute obedience and economic efficiency. He banishes the men over his prize hens, but his love for alcohol leaves him vulnerable to their tricks, ultimately forcing him to rehire them at nearly double their previous wage.

In Its Own Voice

When old man Whittaker discovers who ate his imported livestock, he vents his fury on his four hands before driving them off the property.

“I don’t want no song—dang your hides! The weight uh your presence unbalances my land. Get uh going!”

After being thrown headfirst into the brush due to a reversed saddle, Muley reflects philosophically on their compounding streak of bad luck.

“It ain’t the things yuh might have done that makes yuh sad and sore, It’s the things yuh didn’t mean to do hangs crêpe upon your door.”

Following the disastrous, foul-smelling opening of the bank door, the townspeople react instantly to the skunk-infested room.

The crowd melts with the one exclamation—“Skunks!”

What It's Really About

Muley's Morals is a lighthearted satire of Western frontier tropes, poking fun at the idealized lawmen, ruthless bank robbers, and stoic cowboys of traditional fiction. At its core, the narrative explores the chaotic nature of fortune and justice in a small town where every authority figure is incompetent or corrupt. Sheriff McFee carries a hammer instead of a gun and turns out to be a bank robber, while the "heroic" cowboys are chicken thieves driven entirely by appetite and mischief. The story suggests that survival on the range depends less on stern morality or bravery and more on camaraderie, humor, and knowing how to turn an absurd situation to one's own advantage.

Why Read It Today

Fans of traditional Western comedy, humorous frontier yarns, and classic magazine fiction will find plenty to enjoy in W. C. Tuttle's energetic narrative. Reading Muley's Morals feels like sitting around a campfire listening to an old hand spin an exaggerated, fast-paced tall tale full of slapstick action, banter, and colorful regional dialect.

The prose relies heavily on early twentieth-century phonetic eye-dialect ("uh" for "a," "bronc," "yuh"), which gives the narrative an authentic, oral-storytelling rhythm, though modern readers may need a few pages to adjust to its phonetic spelling. Additionally, the casual frontier attitudes and period slang reflect the pulp magazine conventions of 1918. What lingers long after reading is the irrepressible warmth among the four central friends—their easy bickering, shared meals, and knack for turning complete disaster into a triumphant ride back to the ranch.