Nothing to Eat

In Short

Published in 1857, Horatio Alger Jr.'s Nothing to Eat is a satirical verse narrative targeting the vanity, superficiality, and gluttony of New York City's high society. The story follows an impoverished poet who is invited to dine at the extravagant mansion of Jack Merdle, a newly rich Wall Street stockbroker, and his fashionable wife, Kitty Malone. Throughout a sprawling dinner filled with soup, fish, roast meats, and rich desserts, Mrs. Merdle gorgingly consumes course after course while loudly lamenting her severe dyspepsia and insisting there is no real food available. The work endures as a sharp period critique of gilded hypocrisy.

The Story

The poem opens with a broad observation about nineteenth-century Manhattan: while true starvation does not claim lives on the streets, the city's wealthiest elites continually whine about having nothing to eat or wear. The author, a struggling writer whose own meals are often uncertain and eaten in filthy saloons or cheap boarding houses, encounters Jack Merdle. Jack is a stockbroker who has recently made a fortune by outmaneuvering the "bulls and bears" on Stock-gamblers' Street. Spotting the hungry writer on the street, Jack invites him home to his Fifth Avenue mansion for a casual dinner to see how the fashionable live.

Upon their arrival, Jack's wife, Kitty Malone—a former poor girl who inherited a fortune and married into fashion—expresses immediate embarrassment. She apologizes profusely to the guest, claiming the household is unprepared, the French cook is away, and the servants are infected with washing duties. She insists they have only mere scraps fit for starvation, yet leads the guest into a grand dining room where a massive, multi-course feast commences.

As the meal unfolds, Mrs. Merdle's hypocrisy becomes central to the narrative. She begins with mock turtle soup heavily spiked with port wine, claiming it aids her delicate digestion and severe dyspepsia. She proceeds through courses of turbot, sheep's head, bass, roast beef, turkey, ham, and tongue, taking sizeable helpings of each while continuously insisting that her appetite is non-existent and that she must pamper her delicate stomach. Between bites, she lectures on the high cost of meats, rails against her doctor's advice to eat plain food, and mocks the laboring poor for not understanding the virtue of saving.

After consuming a heavy plum pudding made with suet, raisins, and spices, followed by jelly, ice, syllabub, and wine, Mrs. Merdle complains of intense stomach pressure. Blaming her tight dresses rather than her gluttony, she leaves the gentlemen to smoke while she retreats to her room to change, drink tea, and prepare for a evening stroll. The poet concludes by moralizing on the empty lives of the elite, warning young men against marrying for money, and choosing to remain anonymous lest the offended high society starve him out completely.

How It Unfolds

A chance encounter downtown A hungry, struggling poet wanders the streets wondering where he can afford a decent meal without swallowing dirt in a filthy saloon. He runs into Jack Merdle, a wealthy stock-gambler driving a fast carriage who has just made a fortune on Wall Street.

Arrival at the Fifth Avenue mansion Jack drives the poet to his glowing mansion, where his wife Kitty Malone immediately protests that they have nothing proper to serve. She claims the French cook is away and that the kitchen contains only leftovers unsuitable for a guest.

The soup and the doctor's warnings The host and guest sit down to silver tureens of mock turtle soup, which Mrs. Merdle drinks with port wine to treat her self-diagnosed dyspepsia. She complains about the exorbitant prices of butchers and grocers while dismissing her physician's advice to eat a simple, holy diet.

A massive spread of fish and meats Course after course arrives, featuring multiple varieties of fish, rich sauces, roast beef, turkey, ham, and tongue. Mrs. Merdle takes generous helpings of every dish while claiming she has no appetite and is merely nibbling to keep from starving.

Dessert and departure from the table The feast continues with a heavy plum pudding cooked for six hours, followed by ice, jelly, cream, and wine. Complaining that her stomach feels oppressed by her clothing, Mrs. Merdle retires to her room to dress for a walk, leaving the men to smoke.

The moralizing application The narrator reflects on the greed, vanity, and empty lives of the city's fashion-obsessed elite. He warns bachelors against marrying such spoiled wives for their money and ends the poem in anonymity to protect himself from societal wrath.

The People

The Poet Narrator A struggling, sharp-witted writer who lives an uncertain life in New York City. He wants a substantial meal to satisfy his genuine hunger and accepts a dinner invitation out of necessity. He spends the evening silently observing the absurdity of elite culture, ultimately using the experience to craft a biting moral lesson on societal greed.

Jack Merdle A high-flying stockbroker who built his fortune through Wall Street speculation and his wife's inheritance. He wants to show off his newfound wealth, driving fast horses and opening his lavish Fifth Avenue home to an old acquaintance. He remains largely passive during dinner, allowing his wife to dominate the room while he prepares to enjoy his post-meal cigar.

Kitty Malone (Mrs. Merdle) The self-proclaimed queen of fashion who rose from childhood poverty to immense wealth through an inheritance. She wants to maintain her elite social standing, indulge in luxury, and play the part of a fragile invalid. Her excessive greed and constant complaining about having "nothing to eat" stand in stark contrast to the enormous feast she consumes.

In Its Own Voice

"The every-day cry and the every-day fare, That's every day heard where the Livewells are dining, Is nothing to eat, or else nothing to wear, Which naked and starving rich Merdles are whining."

The author introduces the central paradox of New York's upper class, who constantly complain of lack amidst overwhelming abundance.

"Some turkey? why yes--the least mite will suffice; A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast; The tip of the rump--that's it--and one o' the fli's-- In spite of the doctor: my appetite's none of the best"

Mrs. Merdle claims to have no appetite while eagerly requesting a plate piled high with meat.

"Yet look at the thousands whose every day prayer, Far more than their own or their neighbor's salvation, Absorbs every thought, every dream, and all care, 'To eat or to wear, is anything new in creation?'"

The poet reflects on how material obsession has replaced spiritual and moral purpose in modern society.

What It's Really About

Nothing to Eat is a scathing critique of mid-nineteenth-century American consumerism, class hypocrisy, and the hollow nature of social ambition. Beneath its light verse and comedic narrative lies a serious moral argument regarding the spiritual decay caused by unbridled wealth. The poem contrasts genuine starvation with the superficial "starvation" claimed by wealthy elites who use fake ailments, such as fashionable dyspepsia, to justify their excessive indulgence. Horatio Alger Jr. targets the absurdities of social climbing, where marriages are treated like financial transactions on Wall Street, and women are expected to focus entirely on dress and dining display. Ultimately, the work questions what a society lives for when material vanity replaces genuine human empathy and moral substance.

Why Read It Today

Nothing to Eat offers a fascinating, humorous window into the culture of Gilded Age precursor society in 1850s New York. Modern readers who enjoy satirical poetry, Victorian social commentary, or period literature will appreciate its bouncy rhyming meter and vivid descriptions of high-society dining rituals. The text captures the specific rhythm of mid-century American humor, using detailed lists of food, fashion trends, and medical fads like cold-water cures to mock the excesses of the rich.

Reading the work requires some patience for its mid-nineteenth-century poetic structure and occasional obscure cultural references to Wall Street terms, street names, and period figures. However, the core joke of the story—wealthy individuals surrounding themselves with luxury while complaining of hardship—remains completely accessible and surprisingly relevant today. It is a quick, entertaining read that reveals an unexpected side of Horatio Alger Jr., showcasing his talent for sharp social satire long before he became famous for his classic rags-to-riches novels.