Paying Off: Deep Waters, Part 2

In Short

Set along the London docks, this humorous maritime tale follows an elderly night-watchman who prides himself on his sharpness and good nature, despite constantly being mocked by the sailors he preaches to. When a schooner crew tricks him into holding a box supposedly filled with gold coins, two accomplice sailors stage a beer-spilling incident to pocket the box. Held responsible for the loss under threat of reporting his workplace negligence to his employer, the watchman pays five shillings weekly. He only learns the truth when the crew suddenly stops the payments once his total exactly equals their collective prior foolish losses.

The Story

The narrative opens with the elderly night-watchman reflecting bitterly on his twin traits: an overabundance of good nature and an unmatched mental sharpness. Despite his belief that he is constantly helping others with unsolicited advice and superior wisdom, he finds himself universally unappreciated and frequently ridiculed by the local dockworkers. He recalls Captain Mellun, the soft-headed skipper of the schooner Firefly, and Mellun's crew, whom the watchman has long criticized for their foolish financial blunders—such as buying fake diamond rings, chalk meerschaum pipes, or trusting strangers in public houses with cash and watches.

The main action begins when a crewman named George Tebb approaches the watchman on the wharf after a month of silent resentment from the sailors. Tebb plays directly to the watchman's vanity, praising his absolute honesty and asking him to safeguard a small locked box containing twenty-five pounds left to him by an uncle. Reluctantly agreeing, the watchman accepts the box, lured by the promise of one pound for his trouble. Tebb leads him to a distant public house for a drink to celebrate, but then pretends to have forgotten the key in his shipboard chest, leaving the watchman alone in the pub with the box in his coat pocket.

While waiting, two large, intoxicated sailors enter the tavern, initiate a brief altercation, and deliberately spill a pint of beer over the watchman. Under the pretense of rubbing him dry with their handkerchiefs, they pick his pocket and steal the locked box. When Tebb returns with the key, the theft is discovered. Tebb and the landlord accuse the watchman of gross carelessness, and Tebb insists on bringing the matter before Captain Mellun in his cabin.

Before an audience of the crew, Captain Mellun acts as a judge. Turning the watchman's own past lecture back on him, Mellun points out that even a child of five would not have been so easily duped. The skipper delivers an ultimatum: either the watchman pays Tebb five shillings a week out of his wages to make up the twenty-five pounds, or Mellun will report to the watchman's employer that he abandoned his post to sit in a distant pub. To protect his job, the watchman agrees to the installment plan.

For nineteen agonizing weeks, the watchman surrenders five shillings every time the Firefly docks, depriving himself of simple pleasures like beer and tobacco while Tebb openly uses the money to treat his shipmates. Finally, the skipper summons the watchman aboard and grandly announces that George has decided to forgive the remainder of the debt. Suspicious of this sudden generosity, the watchman discovers the truth: the total amount he paid—four pounds fifteen shillings—matches the exact sum total of the crew's previous foolish losses, including the skipper's stolen watch, the bad ring, and the chalk pipe. The entire scheme was a setup to reimburse the crew at his expense.

How It Unfolds

The watchman airs his grievances Sitting on his wharf barrel, the night-watchman complains about how his lifelong habits of giving free advice and being cleverer than his neighbors have brought him nothing but trouble and mockery. He singles out Captain Mellun of the Firefly and his foolish crew as prime examples of people who resented his superior wisdom.

George Tebb proposes a trust Sailor George Tebb approaches the watchman, claiming to have inherited thirty pounds and needing a trusted man to keep twenty-five pounds safe in a locked box. Playing on the watchman's pride in his honesty, Tebb slips the box into the watchman's coat pocket and takes him to a distant public house.

A spilled pint and a missing box After Tebb leaves the pub to fetch the key from his ship, two drunken sailors deliberately spill beer on the watchman and thoroughly pat him down while pretending to clean his coat. When Tebb returns, the watchman searches his pockets only to find the locked box has been stolen.

The skipper delivers an ultimatum Captain Mellun holds a tribunal in his ship cabin, mocking the watchman with his own favorite phrase about a five-year-old child knowing better. Mellun threatens to inform the wharf owner of the watchman's absence unless he pays Tebb five shillings a week until the twenty-five pounds is restored.

Nineteen weeks of bitter payments The watchman suffers through months of paying five shillings every time the ship docks, forced to go without beer and tobacco while Tebb collects the money at the wharf gates and spends it buying rounds for his crewmates.

The scam is revealed The skipper calls the watchman aboard to inform him that his debt is forgiven after nineteen weeks, totaling four pounds fifteen shillings. The watchman realizes he was tricked into reimbursing the exact sum the crew had collectively lost in their own past foolish blunders.

The People

• The Night-Watchman (Bill): The narrator and central figure, an elderly wharf watchman who firmly believes he is more honest, sharp, and good-natured than anyone around him. His insistence on offering unasked-for advice and pointing out other people's stupidity makes him a target for revenge. By trying to maintain his reputation as a master of common sense and protect his job, he falls directly into a trap that leaves him poorer and humiliated.

• George Tebb: A seemingly simple crewman on the Firefly. He cunningly uses flattery and a fake inheritance story to trick the watchman into taking custody of a locked box. He relentlessly collects the weekly five-shilling payments, using the watchman's own money to entertain his crewmates while feigning generosity.

• Captain Mellun: The skipper of the Firefly, whom the watchman views as soft-headed and incompetent. Mellun masterminds the formal "hearing" in his cabin, turns the watchman's favorite insults back against him, and uses the threat of reporting him to his employer to enforce the weekly payments until the crew's old debts are settled.

In Its Own Voice

"My biggest fault, said the night-watchman, gloomily, has been good nature. I've spent the best part of my life trying to do my fellow-creeturs a good turn."

The watchman opens his tale by misidentifying his own pompous vanity as simple benevolence.

"He purtended he 'ad come in for the sake of old times and to ask arter my 'ealth, and all the time he was doing 'is best to upset me to amuse them two pore objecks 'e 'ad brought with 'im."

He describes how visitors return to the wharf solely to gloat and mock his past lectures.

"Why, he ses, grinning like a madman, it's just wot we lost between us. I lost a watch and chain worth two pounds, and another couple o' pounds besides; Joe lost ten shillings over 'is di'mond ring; and Charlie lost five bob over a pipe."

Captain Mellun reveals the trick, explaining how the exact sum extorted from the watchman covers every past foolish loss the crew had suffered.

What It's Really About

The story is a study in self-delusion and petty community justice. At its core, it explores how intellectual arrogance invites its own downfall, particularly within tight-knit working-class environments like the London docks. The night-watchman considers himself vastly superior to the sailors, constantly lecturing them on their gullibility while ignoring his own vulnerabilities. The plot operates as a collective revenge mechanism: the sailors do not merely rob or bully the watchman; they construct a scheme that uses his own vanity and hypocritical fear of losing his job to make him pay for their past mistakes. It asks whether someone who constantly points out the flaws of others can ever recognize when the joke is on them.

Why Read It Today

This short humor piece offers a sharp, amusing glimpse into turn-of-the-century London maritime life. Readers who enjoy classic irony, workplace banter, and tales of pompous characters getting their comeuppance will appreciate the clever construction of the plot. The story relies heavily on authentic late-Victorian Cockney dialect and phonetic spelling ("creeturs," "purtended," "quid"), which creates a rich sense of voice but requires a brief adjustment period for modern readers unfamiliar with period speech patterns.

What lingers after reading is the watchman's absolute refusal to absorb the lesson. Even after being blatantly tricked and forced to reimburse the entire crew, his vanity remains completely intact, leaving him just as convinced of his own sharp intellect as he was before the first penny was extorted. It is a quick, satisfying read that captures the timeless dynamic of working-class camaraderie and turn-of-the-table trickery.