Rubáiyát of a Motor Car

In Short

This collection of parodic verse adopts the structure and rhythmic cadence of the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám to chronicle the trials of owning an early automobile. Through a series of witty quatrains, the narrator laments the constant mechanical failures, the predatory nature of parts dealers, and the futile obsession with upgrading to the latest model. By reframing the motor car as a fickle, all-consuming deity, the work highlights the irony of a "modern" convenience that offers more roadside labor than actual transportation, resulting in a timeless meditation on human folly.

The Story

The narrative begins with an invitation to abandon the mundane and embrace the "Sheer Delight" of the automobile. The protagonist is immediately struck by the fervor of the movement, describing the act of cranking a machine as a grand, almost spiritual endeavor. However, the initial euphoria is quickly tempered by the reality of the machine’s temperament. The narrator acknowledges that the "Wine of Life" is effectively a motor trip, even as he admits that the car’s various parts have a distressing tendency to break "One by One."

As the story progresses, the focus shifts to the financial and social pressures of motoring. The protagonist confesses to placing a second mortgage on his house just to afford a "Great Big Touring-Car," rationalizing the expense as a path to glory, despite the practical outcome being little more than the ability to run down livestock. He catalogs a ridiculous array of required accessories—snakeskin coats, leather foot-muffs, and sleeping bags—that transform the owner into a "Holy Show" of goggles and veils. He finds himself trapped in a loop of constant upgrades, spurred on by endless, glowing catalogues that make last year’s model feel obsolete before it has even been mastered.

The middle section delves into the technical frustration of the road. The narrator describes the inevitable moments of breakdown, where he is forced to lie in the dirt beneath the chassis, "cramped and sore," while tinkering with valves, gears, and sparking plugs. He encounters other enthusiasts, all equally helpless, performing the same futile rituals. The language becomes increasingly colorful as he recounts his brushes with the law, musing on the absurdity of speed limits and the inevitable confrontation with policemen.

Ultimately, the narrative arc does not resolve in a triumphant arrival at a destination, but in a deeper surrender to the cycle of the machine. The protagonist recognizes that the car itself dictates his fate, moving or stopping according to its own "Fancy." He eventually masters the mechanical complexities—or at least learns to live with them—and concludes by embracing the danger. In the final verses, he urges the driver to turn up the voltage and hold tight, suggesting that the only true way to handle the "catapult" of a modern machine is to "Pass Everything in Sight," regardless of the chaotic result.

How It Unfolds

The initial allure The narrator introduces the automobile as a source of irresistible joy, inviting the reader to crank the engine and join the ranks of the elite. He frames the morning departure not merely as a trip, but as a flight toward triumph and status.

The financial trap The narrative transitions to the hidden costs of the hobby, detailing the reckless spending required to maintain the status of a car owner. The protagonist reflects on the predatory nature of dealers who peddle expensive "accessories" that make the owner's current equipment look worthless.

The breakdown routine The focus moves to the roadside, where the reality of mechanical failure dominates the experience. The driver describes the recurring cycle of faulty ignitions, blown tires, and the humbling experience of lying in the dirt while the car remains resolutely immobile.

The pursuit of perfection The narrator explores the obsession with technical superiority, constantly comparing models and cataloging gear. He struggles with the contradiction between the advertised power of machines and the reality of their frequent, stubborn refusal to function.

The final surrender The story concludes with a shift toward reckless abandon. Having accepted that the machine will always be a source of "Everlasting Worriment," the narrator chooses to embrace the speed, ignoring the risks and the chaos in favor of a wild, high-speed ride into the unknown.

The People

The narrator is the quintessential early adopter: a man caught between the desire for modern convenience and the crushing reality of primitive engineering. He is defined by his gullibility and his relentless optimism, constantly justifying his financial ruin by calling it a "Glorious Game." He begins as a hopeful novice and matures into a cynical, grease-stained veteran who recognizes the absurdity of his own behavior.

The "Bystander" acts as the annoying, omnipresent critic who claims to know everything about the car’s mechanics while contributing nothing to the repair effort. He represents the public skepticism that the narrator must navigate, though his presence only serves to heighten the protagonist’s solitary, internal struggle.

The "Dealer" appears as a predatory force, a shadowy figure who profits from the owner's vanity. He is the architect of the narrator's misery, ensuring that the next "New Model" is always available to replace the one that just broke down.

Finally, the "Beloved" provides a small touch of human grounding. Though she appears only briefly, her skeptical questioning—"I don’t see why you Ever bought This Kind!"—serves as the voice of common sense, a sharp, necessary contrast to the narrator’s self-delusion. She represents the tether to reality that the narrator must constantly ignore to continue his pursuit of speed.

In Its Own Voice

Whether at Naishápúr or Babylon, Whether the Car shall jerk or sweetly run, The Wine of Life is in a Motor Trip, (Though all the Parts keep breaking One by One!)

The narrator reflects on the universal nature of the motoring experience, acknowledging that the joy of the journey is intrinsically linked to the inevitability of mechanical failure.

I had to have a Snakeskin Auto-Coat, A Leather Foot-Muff, lined with Thibet Goat; A Steering-Apron, and a Sleeping-Bag; For these things Help a Motorer to Mote.

The protagonist catalogs the absurdly specific and expensive fashion requirements of early twentieth-century drivers, framing them as essential tools for the act of motoring.

What It's Really About

At its core, the work explores the tension between human ambition and the limitations of technology. It is a satire on the rapid onset of consumer culture, where the desire for the "newest" model replaces the actual utility of the object. The book argues that humanity is prone to a specific kind of madness when faced with a new toy—one that makes us willing to sacrifice our savings, our dignity, and our comfort for the sake of an abstract status. The automobile becomes a metaphor for any life-consuming pursuit that offers both immense pleasure and persistent, unavoidable suffering, questioning whether the "triumphant Joy" of the chase is worth the inevitable cost of being "towed back to the garage."

Why Read It Today

Readers who appreciate a dry, rhythmic wit will find much to admire in this clever parody. The book captures a unique moment in history when the automobile was still a temperamental, terrifying, and magical beast, rather than the mundane appliance it is today. You will likely enjoy it if you find humor in the "do-it-yourself" frustration of complex machines or if you appreciate the biting irony of someone who knows they are being foolish but proceeds anyway.

However, be prepared for the specific challenges of the text. Because it mimics the style of Omar Khayyám, it relies heavily on a formal, somewhat antiquated meter that requires a steady, deliberate pace to read aloud. Furthermore, the humor is rooted in the specific milieu of 1906, meaning the references to "demonstrators" and period-specific models may require a slight mental adjustment to fully appreciate. You may also find the narrator’s casual acceptance of property damage—such as running down animals—to be a jarring example of the period’s attitudes. Ultimately, the book stays with you as a reminder that every technological revolution arrives with its own set of absurdities, and that the "crank" of yesterday is simply the ancestor of the distracted, frustrated driver of today.