The amateur crime

In Short

When thirty-six-year-old Matthew Priestley is chided by his young friends for living a sheltered, predictable bachelor life, a lively circle of conspirators decides to shake him out of his rut. They orchestrate a elaborate theatrical hoax involving a staged murder, fake blood, and a distressed maiden in order to plunge him into a mock criminal adventure. However, as Matthew takes the staged crisis far too seriously and flees into the English countryside with his companion, real police and a bewildered local community get dragged into the fray, turning a harmless rag into a hilarious series of chaotic misunderstandings.

The Story

Matthew Priestley is thirty-six, comfortably settled in his cozy London flat, and thoroughly content with his unenterprising routine. His younger acquaintance Pat Doyle, alongside a sharp-tongued group of friends including Cynthia and Laura, decides that Matthew needs to be "woken up" and taught to experience real adventure. The group devises an elaborate prank designed to trick Matthew into believing he has stumbled into a high-stakes criminal enterprise.

The conspiracy springs into action when Matthew meets Laura, a young woman posing as a distressed maiden in a fake burglary attempt. During the staged encounter, a fake altercation breaks out, blank ammunition is fired, and a large man collapses with what appears to be a bloody wound. Believing he has accidentally committed murder, a horrified Matthew panics. Laura, keeping up her act as a reluctant accomplice, flees with him. The pair go on the run across the countryside, shackled together by a pair of handcuffs, shivering in the cold, and dodging what Matthew assumes to be the long arm of the law.

As the fugitives hide in country inns, file their chains apart, and attempt to make sense of newspaper reports, the prank quickly spirals out of control. The original pranksters—Guy, Pat Doyle, Cynthia, Dora, and George—find that their carefully laid tricks have generated unexpected consequences. Real authority figures, including the local police constable, Inspector Cottingham, and the Chief Constable, become involved. Witnesses report seeing foreign assassins and mysterious "Crown Princes," while an innocent country resident named Mr. Foster finds himself bizarrely implicated when the conspirators accidentally plant evidence, such as carved boots and bloodstains, on his property.

Meanwhile, forced togetherness transforms Matthew and Laura's relationship. Struggling through cold rides, elderberry wine forced upon them by well-meaning landladies, and makeshift escapes, Matthew drops his timid shell, while Laura finds herself genuine charmed by his steady kindness and sudden resolve.

When the authorities finally corner the conspirators, Guy and his friends are forced to confess to the police that the entire affair was merely an elaborate joke. Just as the pranksters assemble at a hotel to celebrate their success and mock Matthew's credulity, they discover that Matthew and Laura have turned the tables. Having learned of the setup via a secret letter from Cynthia, the newly united couple decide to double-cross the double-crossers. They get married in secret and slip away for their honeymoon, leaving the schemers behind to ponder their own outmaneuvered prank.

How It Unfolds

The routine is challenged Pat Doyle visits Matthew Priestley in his bachelor flat and roundly scolds him for being as set and unenterprising as a sixty-five-year-old. Matthew mildly defends his comfortable routine, but his young friends resolve to force him into having real adventures.

The plot is hatched A group of lively young conspirators—including Pat, Guy, Cynthia, Dora, and George—devise a staged murder to trick Matthew into believing he is caught up in international crime. They recruit Laura to act as the desperate maiden who leads Matthew into the trap.

The gunshot and the fake corpse During the staged confrontation, a revolver filled with blank cartridges is fired, and a big man crumples to the floor with fake blood on his shirt. Matthew, convinced the weapon was loaded with live ammunition and that he has committed murder, flees into the night with Laura.

Fugitives on the road Matthew and Laura escape together, facing the discomforts of the road while joined by a pair of handcuffs. They manage to seek shelter at an inn, where a motherly landlady forces them to drink elderberry wine and fussily insists on putting the "newlyweds" to bed.

The police enter the fray Local law enforcement, including a gullible constable and Inspector Cottingham, begin investigating the strange reports surrounding the incident. The conspirators' silly clues—such as fake blood, stolen boots, and tall tales about a "Crown Prince of Bosnogovina"—cause the police to suspect an innocent neighbour named Mr. Foster.

Complications in the countryside The pranksters find themselves trapped in their own net as Dora gets locked in a tool-house while trying to manipulate Mr. Foster. George has to rescue her by ripping open a corrugated iron roof, while the rest of the gang realizes the police are taking the murder claims in dead earnest.

The truth comes out Cornered by the Superintendent and the Chief Constable over carved boots and staged evidence, Guy is forced to admit that the entire murder was merely an absurd joke. The police investigation collapses, but the conspirators remain eager to laugh at Matthew's expense.

The double-cross Matthew and Laura get legally married, having secretly learned of the prank through a letter from Cynthia. Instead of attending the elaborate wedding breakfast planned by their mischievous friends, the newly married couple slip into a taxi and head off on their honeymoon alone.

The People

• Matthew Priestley starts as a quiet, thirty-six-year-old bachelor who values his comfortable, predictable life. When he believes he has accidentally killed a man, he is forced out of his shell, discovering a surprising well of resolve and protective devotion that ultimately wins Laura's heart.
• Laura (Miss Howard) acts as the sharp-witted accomplice in the prank, tasked with leading Matthew into the fake crime. Though she initially treats the scheme as a joke, she grows genuinely fond of Matthew's earnest goodness while on the run, ultimately choosing to marry him.
• Pat Doyle is the energetic, dramatic instigator who scolds Matthew for living like a "cabbage" and helps engineer the elaborate murder hoax, only to watch the plan spin completely out of his control.
• Cynthia is a clever, commanding member of the group who alternates between laughing at the prank and worrying that Matthew will be driven to despair, eventually double-crossing her fellow pranksters by warning Laura.
• Guy is the over-confident mastermind of the hoax who insists on elaborate, melodramatic details, completely unbothered by the chaos he causes until the police threaten to throw him into prison.
• George is a quiet, reluctant gentleman dragged along by the others, suffering through absurd errands like rescuing Dora from a tool-shed roof and handing over his boots to frame a neighbor.
• Mr. Foster is an unsuspecting, pompous local villager who finds his peaceful life upended when the pranksters accidentally frame him for the fictitious murder.

In Its Own Voice

“You’re always much the same as usual. Always!”

Pat Doyle scolds Matthew in the opening scene, setting the entire prank in motion by attacking his host's sedentary lifestyle.

“Good God!” muttered Mr. Priestley distractedly. “What on earth had we better do?”

Matthew reacts with utter panic immediately after firing the blank revolver, fully convinced he has just committed a horrific murder.

“If I were you, sir,” observed the landlady with much enjoyment, “I should make her drink it.”

A bossy innkeeper insists that Matthew force Laura to finish her elderberry wine, mistaking the exhausted fugitives for a loving pair of newlyweds.

What It's Really About

Beneath its buoyant, farcical surface, the story explores the clash between middle-aged complacency and youthfully reckless exuberance. It examines how rigid social routines can trap a person, but it equally satirizes the arrogance of young people who assume they know what is best for others. The plot exposes the absurdity of crime fiction tropes—exaggerated villains, bloodstains, and secret identities—by showing how easily people fall for theatrical nonsense when primed by sensational stories. Ultimately, the narrative celebrates genuine warmth over cleverness, showing that Matthew's quiet integrity and capacity for true affection easily outshine the elaborate schemes of his well-meaning but foolish friends.

Why Read It Today

This lighthearted detective comedy offers a refreshing twist on classic mystery fiction by turning the genre inside out. Readers who enjoy cozy British humor, witty banter, and light satire will delight in the escalation of errors as a simple practical joke spirals out of hand. The narrative moves at a brisk, theatrical pace, driven by sharp dialogue and classic situational comedy.

Modern readers should keep in mind that the book reflects the casual social attitudes and period slang of early 20th-century England, featuring idyllic rural settings, traditional gender roles, and youthful upper-middle-class privilege. The police officers and country folk are drawn with broad, comic strokes typical of British farce.

What lingers after finishing the book is its charming sense of fun and warm affection for its characters. Rather than relying on dark suspense or genuine menace, it delivers a delightful, sunny escape where the central mystery is merely a stage for romance and gentle irony.