The blonde from Barsoom

In Short

This meta-fictional satire follows Harold Worthington Smith, a frustrated science-fiction writer whose unoriginal, formulaic stories are consistently rejected by editors. While daydreaming, he is abruptly transported into his own narrative on a desolate Mars, where he must contend with the "dimensionally impossible" heroine and marauding aliens he created. The story is a sharp, humorous take on the creative process and the desire for escapism. It has endured as a clever commentary on the tropes of planetary romance and the boundary between an author’s life and his work.

The Story

Harold Worthington Smith sits in his apartment, laboring over a story featuring his protagonist, Thon Carther, and a blonde Martian princess, Thejah Doris. As he writes, the boundaries of his reality dissolve. Suddenly, he is no longer in his apartment but standing on the Martian surface, fully inhabiting the body of his hero. The Tark horde—six-legged, green-skinned warriors—is closing in. Harold realizes with mounting anxiety that his apartment, his desk, and even his typewriter have vanished, replaced by the vivid, terrifying danger of his own plot.

Harold manages to save himself and the princess by leaping over the horde, a feat he attributes to the planet's lower gravity. He discovers an atmosphere boat, which he had "plotted" to be there, and flies away with Thejah Doris. As they travel, he struggles to manage the narrative. Every time he attempts to find a quiet moment with the princess, his "faithful" watchdog, Droola, or the persistent Tark horde intervenes. He finds himself annoyed by the clichéd nature of his own writing, yet he is trapped by the very plot devices he set in motion.

Eventually, the atmosphere boat crashes into a lock-tower. Thejah Doris reveals, in unexpectedly poetic language, that these are the haunts of ancient bards. Harold prepares for an intimate moment, but the Tarks appear yet again. He realizes he has written himself into a corner because he never bothered to outline the story beyond the first installment. Frustrated by the cycle of repetitive danger, he realizes he has the power to rewrite his situation. He locates parchment and a pen in the tower, and instead of continuing the adventure, he begins writing a new, more lucrative reality.

The narrative shifts to a bright morning in a different life. Harold wakes up in a luxurious home, his wife is happy and attentive, and he is a celebrated author receiving massive checks from multiple publishers. When editors arrive at his door to beg for his work, he treats them with professional indifference. He looks at his wife—now "better stacked" than before—and tells her to fetch him coffee. Having successfully rewritten his existence, he descends the stairs to meet his admirers, leaving his life as a struggling, rejected writer entirely behind.

How It Unfolds

The vivid daydream Harold is typing a scene featuring his hero, Thon Carther, when the walls of his apartment disappear. He finds himself physically present on a Martian dead-sea bottom, facing the green Tark horde.

The escape Using the logic of his own plot, Harold leaps over the Tarks and discovers an atmosphere boat. He and the princess flee across the landscape, though he is irritated by the constant, clichéd interruptions of his watchdog and the pursuers.

The crash While attempting to navigate, Harold strikes a tall lock-tower and is forced to land. He and the princess take refuge inside, but the Tarks quickly track them down.

The rewrite Trapped by his own failure to outline the story, Harold decides to change his fate. He uses the writing materials found in the tower to draft a new life for himself.

The new reality Harold wakes up as a wealthy, successful author. He dismisses his nagging wife—now transformed into a "princess"—and prepares to entertain the stream of editors waiting at his door.

The People

Harold Worthington Smith is a man dissatisfied with his drab apartment, his nagging wife, and his career as a failing science-fiction writer. He wants success and validation, but he is trapped by his own lack of originality. By the end, he transforms into a cold, successful professional who controls his reality.

Thejah Doris is the "dimensionally impossible" blonde princess of Harold’s creation. She serves as a vessel for his wish-fulfillment, though she occasionally displays surprising depth, such as when she describes the history of the lock-towers. She exists entirely to satisfy Harold’s needs and undergoes a physical transformation when he rewrites his life.

The Tarks are the green, tusked, six-legged antagonists of the story. They represent the inexorable, repetitive nature of bad writing. They stand in the way of Harold’s desires, forcing him to keep moving through his own plot until he decides to change the script.

Droola is an eight-legged creature and Harold’s "faithful" watchdog. Much like the Tarks, Droola is a narrative device that Harold uses to create tension or fill word counts, and he eventually admits he has been trying to get rid of the beast for a long time.

In Its Own Voice

"The Tark horde was rapidly closing in, and Thon Carther/Harold Worthington Smith decided it was high time he drew his sword."

As the author begins to lose his grip on reality, he realizes he is no longer just observing the scene, but actively participating in the combat.

"He remembered the plot just in time, and seizing Thejah Doris around her slender waist, he gave a mighty leap that carried them--thanks to the tenuous Martian gravity--over the entire green horde to a resilient section of the dead-sea bottom a hundred feet behind the rearmost rider."

Harold uses the convenient, physics-defying tropes of his own genre to navigate a life-or-death situation.

"It was a tall tower--remarkably tall when you considered the altitude of the atmosphere boat."

The author’s failure to plan his story leads to a clumsy collision, highlighting his lack of control over the narrative he created.

What It's Really About

At its heart, this is a story about the intersection of authorship and escapism. Harold uses his writing as a tool for wish-fulfillment, creating heroines and adventures to compensate for his underwhelming life. The humor stems from his self-awareness; he knows his dialogue is stilted and his characters are absurd, yet he is unable to break the cycle until he realizes he can use the act of creation to rewrite his own material circumstances. The story argues that for the artist, reality is merely the first draft. If the current version of one’s life is filled with rejection and frustration, the "author" has the power to change the plot—provided he has the imagination to dream up something better.

Why Read It Today

Readers who enjoy meta-fiction and the "pulpy" science fiction of the mid-20th century will find this story particularly rewarding. It provides a sharp, self-deprecating look at the tropes of planetary romance—the noble sword-wielding hero, the damsel in distress, and the relentless alien hordes—by showing them through the eyes of a writer who is annoyed by his own clichés.

The reading experience is brisk and lighthearted, filled with a sense of playful absurdity as the protagonist grapples with the consequences of his own creative laziness. It is a quick, funny read that serves as a mirror for anyone who has ever tried to escape the drudgery of daily life through a story. However, modern readers should be prepared for the mid-century period attitudes regarding gender; the "blonde princess" is a caricature meant to be mocked, but the descriptions rely on the very objectifying tropes the story critiques. What stays with you is the final twist—the unsettling realization that Harold doesn't actually improve as a person when he achieves his success, but simply upgrades the quality of his own self-indulgent fantasy. It remains a smart, cynical, and surprisingly potent look at the thin line between creator and creation.