The Collectors: Being Cases mostly under the Ninth and Tenth Commandments

In Short

The book is a collection of satirical stories and essays exploring the obsessive, eccentric world of art collectors, forgers, dealers, and connoisseurs. Through interconnected tales set in America and Europe, it follows various individuals driven by the desire to possess beauty, often crossing ethical lines to acquire priceless or fraudulent treasures. The book has lasted because of its sharp psychological insight, gentle cynicism, and witty critique of the lengths to which people go for aesthetic ownership.

The Story

The book opens with a lighthearted verse conceding the inherent wrongfulness of art collecting, establishing a tone of confessed covetousness. The first narrative introduces John Campbell, a country lad who turns from painting crude romantic confections to becoming a prolific picture forger, ultimately reflecting sadly on his lost ability to capture true beauty. The focus then shifts to Italy, where a sophisticated circle of expatriates and experts revolves around an alleged early portrait by Giorgione owned by a mysterious nobleman. This prized work is later unmasked as the fabrication of an amateur artist named Ricard, humiliating the learned experts who vouched for it.

An interlude exploring the obscure philology of Lombard runes follows, capturing academic rivalry and a fleeting romance between a dedicated professor and a young woman named Linda Göritz. Domestic tension takes center stage when a modest New York couple's imaginary foraging for antiques breaks down under real-world financial strain and a severe illness, forcing the husband to confront the psychological toll of his unfulfilled desires. In another Italian enclave, an American woman named Emma Verplanck fiercely protects a disputed masterpiece known as the Missing St. Michael against the persistent advances of a wealthy suitor named Morton Crocker and the collective gossip of her peers, ultimately choosing her aesthetic sanctuary over conventional marriage.

The collection ventures into subterranean realms with an entertaining excavation of an old Italian well filled with layered historical pottery and lustred pots, highlighting the meticulous negotiations required to divide unexpected archaeological finds. In the final tale, a cunning art dealer named Vogelstein recounts his triumphs and misadventures with forged antiquities, explaining how he successfully offloaded the notorious Balaklava Coronal to a wealthy, unyielding American captain of industry named Morrison who never doubts what he buys. The volume concludes with a series of reflections that offer excuses and palliations for collecting, framing the obsessive acquisition of beautiful objects as a private vice that ultimately serves as a public virtue by preserving art for the world.

How It Unfolds

• The forger's confession: John Campbell begins his career painting crude local confections before descending into commercial forgery, ultimately lamenting that his best work falls short of genuine inspiration.
• The expert's humiliation: An intricate web of connoisseurship unravels in Italy when a supposedly rare Giorgione masterpiece owned by a nobleman is exposed as the work of an amateur.
• The philologist's distraction: Professor Hauptmann pursues elusive Lombard runes in an Italian ditch while carrying on a bittersweet flirtation with Friselein Linda Göritz, who recognizes his fleeting attachments.
• The domestic burden: A modest couple's shared passion for collecting transforms into financial strain and psychological torment during a severe illness, testing the limits of their marriage.
• The protected masterpiece: Emma Verplanck fends off eager buyers, museum directors, and local gossips to keep her beloved St. Michael, rejecting marriage to preserve her independence and aesthetic devotion.
• The well's treasures: Digging deep into an old Italian well yields a stratified history of broken ceramics and intact pots, requiring delicate arbitration among enthusiasts.
• The dealer's triumph: A master art dealer details the art of selling questionable antiquities to unswerving American millionaires who never admit a mistake.

The People

John Campbell moves from an unpolished country background into a life of picture forgery, struggling against the artistic compromises he makes before accepting his modest place in the trade. Anitchkoff is a learned connoisseur whose scholarly reputation is bruised by the revelation that his cherished Giorgione discovery is a modern fake. Professor Hauptmann is a rigorous philologist absorbed in dead languages who treats both ancient runes and romantic entanglements with detached intellectual curiosity. Fräulein Linda Göritz is a perceptive and sentimental young woman who sees through the professor's academic distractions and recognizes her role as a temporary deterrent.

John and Miriam are a struggling New York couple whose shared dream of acquiring antiques frays under financial pressure and a dangerous fever, forcing John to choose between human devotion and material obsession. Emma Verplanck is an independent expatriate living in Italy who guards her prized St. Michael against marriage proposals and commercial offers, preferring the company of her spiritual surrogate. Morton Crocker is a wealthy, straightforward suitor whose persistent attempts to win Emma's hand are repeatedly thwarted by her devotion to her collection. Vogelstein is a shrewd, formidable art dealer who navigates the upper echelons of the market with complete pragmatism, happily selling high-priced forgeries to uncritical buyers. Morrison is an indomitable American industrialist and collector who stands out as the ultimate client because he never questions or regrets a purchase once made.

In Its Own Voice

Collector folk are sinners all.

This line from the opening verse sets the playful, self-deprecating tone for the entire book's exploration of human acquisitiveness.

The best things I do, or rather did, young feller, are jest a little poorer than his worst.

John Campbell offers this humble, melancholic assessment of his forgery career compared to the master he once assisted.

You must take me seriously--you shall.

Emma Verplanck declares this firm ultimatum to her suitor while defending her profound attachment to her disputed artwork.

What It's Really About

The book interrogates the psychology of ownership, asking why human beings feel an irresistible urge to possess beautiful things. It examines the thin line between genuine aesthetic appreciation and status-driven covetousness, exposing the vanity, snobbery, and gullibility that animate the high-stakes art market. Through its characters, the text weighs the cost of isolating oneself within artificial worlds of objects and ideas against the messy demands of human relationships. Ultimately, it argues that while collecting may spring from private vices and self-deception, it plays a vital role in human culture by acting as an ark that preserves beauty from the indifference of the modern world.

Why Read It Today

Readers who love sharp wit, gentle satire, and the rich atmosphere of turn-of-the-century expatriate life in Europe will find much to treasure here. Reading the book feels like sitting at a quiet tavern table listening to a worldly, observant scholar spin dry, ironic anecdotes about eccentric personalities. What stays with you is the poignant portrait of human vulnerability wrapped up in the pursuit of material beauty—the way people project their deepest longings onto inanimate objects. Modern readers should note that the book reflects the class assumptions and period attitudes of its early twentieth-century composition, featuring occasional archaic dialects and leisurely, discursive pacing that demands a patient, reflective reader.