The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)

In Short

This omnibus volume gathers the complete writings and public lectures of the nineteenth-century American humorist Artemus Ward, the comic persona of journalist Charles Farrar Browne. Through letters, sketches, travelogues, and theatrical transcripts, the fictional traveling showman Artemus Ward recounts his encounters with social reformers, politicians, Civil War draft dodgers, and Mormon patriarchs. As Ward travels from small-town New England to California and eventually to the lecture halls of London, the collection offers a satirical tour of mid-nineteenth-century American culture, capturing the nation’s political anxieties and absurdities through intentional phonetic spelling and dry, laconic wit.

The Story

The volume opens with a biographical sketch documenting the brief life of Charles Farrar Browne, before launching into the rambling misadventures of his fictional creation, Artemus Ward. Ward introduces himself as an itinerant proprietor of a modest traveling show consisting of wax figures and "three moral bears." As he wanders through small-town America, Ward encounters various contemporary movements and subcultures, offering his unsolicited commentary on each. He visits a Shaker community, where he eats their provisions, resists the solemnity of the elders, and playfully teases the younger members. At Oberlin College, he dryly critiques the intense political and social fervor of the faculty and students, surviving a diet of institutional hash while securing an honorary title for himself. His domestic life with his practical, firm-handed wife, Betsy Jane, provides a recurring backdrop of rural domesticity, where courtship involves shared rustic hardships and marriage requires navigating periodic domestic skirmishes.

As national tensions escalate, Ward finds himself amidst the turmoil of the American Civil War. He reports on public war meetings in his hometown of Baldinsville, where bombastic newspaper editors urge others toward the battlefield while defending their own exemption as vital press men. Ward travels to Springfield, Illinois, where he gains an audience with President-elect Abraham Lincoln. In Lincoln's parlor, Ward witnesses a frantic, desperate swarm of office-seekers descending upon the leader—crawling through windows and tumbling down chimneys to present their credentials—until Ward personally rescues Lincoln from being physically overwhelmed by the mob. During the conflict, Ward writes romantic parodies about conscripts fleeing across the border to Canada, satirisizing both the panic of the draft and the hollow sentimentality of popular war fiction.

Seeking new audiences, Ward embarks on a lengthy journey to California and Utah via steamship and overland stagecoach. His voyage on the overcrowded steamer Ariel exposes him to maritime indignities, which he recounts with exasperated humor. Upon reaching Salt Lake City, he observes the Mormon community under Brigham Young. Despite previous public attacks he had written against their practices, Ward navigates his interactions with church elders through polite deflections and burlesque humor, attending their tabernacle services and marveling at their love for theatrical brass bands and theatrical performances.

Finally, Ward takes his show across the Atlantic to England. He settles in London, delivering his famous illustrated "Panorama" lecture at Egyptian Hall. He reflects on English landmarks, poking fun at the heavy tin armor in the Tower of London, misinterpreting historical monuments, and offering absurd advice to visitors. The collection concludes with a series of miscellaneous pieces, parodies of contemporary drama, and unfinished fragments, leaving behind the voice of a showman whose comedy relies on maintaining a straight face while the world around him surrenders to confusion.

How It Unfolds

The showman takes the road Artemus Ward introduces his traveling exhibit of waxworks and live animals, setting off across New England and the Midwest while sending home letters detailing his encounters with Shakers, free-love advocates, and college administrators.

The Lincoln interview Ward visits Springfield as Abraham Lincoln prepares for the presidency, observing a chaotic surge of office-seekers who drop down chimneys and tackle the President-elect in their relentless pursuit of federal appointments.

Outbreak of the war The Civil War disrupts rural life, prompting patriotic rallies in Baldinsville where local leaders deliver grand speeches while Ward documents the draft, military conscription parodies, and citizens fleeing to the Canadian border.

Voyage on the Ariel Ward boards an ill-fated steamship bound for California, enduring severe overcrowding, incompetent porters, and state-room misunderstandings while offering caustic remarks about the vessel's proprietor.

Sojourn in Salt Lake City Arriving in Utah, Ward meets with Mormon leaders, attends tabernacle services, and manages to smooth over past satirical insults with joke-filled diplomacy while recovering from a severe bout of mountain fever.

London and the Panorama Crossing to England, Ward mounts his theatrical lecture at Egyptian Hall, guiding London audiences through an eccentric slideshow of American landscapes punctuated by non-sequiturs, dry commentary on British history, and musical interludes.

The People

• Artemus Ward, an itinerant showman and lecturer who travels the country exhibiting wax figures and wild animals. He wants to earn a steady living, avoid physical conflict, and maintain his show, but he is constantly interrupted by political zealots, pushy reformers, and chaotic mobs. He navigates these disruptions with deadpan negotiation and practical common sense.
• Betsy Jane Ward, Artemus’s pragmatic and formidable wife. She wants an orderly household and has little patience for her husband’s foolishness or self-pity. She keeps Ward grounded, occasionally dragging him out of storage closets by his remaining hair when his self-indulgence grows tiresome.
• Abraham Lincoln, the President-elect, who wants to organize his administration in peace. He is hemmed in by a relentless horde of office-seekers who invade his home, drop through his chimney, and physically bowl him over in their quest for government favors.
• Brigham Young, the Mormon leader in Salt Lake City, who wants to establish a self-contained religious community. He governs his followers with firm authority while embracing theatrical entertainments and brass bands, engaging with Ward in a spirit of cautious, amused diplomacy.

In Its Own Voice

"My wife is one of the best wimin on this continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb, with mint sauce."

This dry appraisal comes as Ward reflects on his domestic life after his wife catches him hiding in a closet and laughing at his own jokes.

"I had no idea that the enemy was so well organized."

Ward offers this deadpan observation after getting knocked into a fireplace during a sudden tavern brawl with a younger local man.

"This story hasn't anything to do with my Entertainment, I know—but one of the principal features of my Entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it."

Spoken during his London lecture, this line captures Ward's rambling, non-sequential comedy style that relies on misdirection and deliberate irrelevance.

What It's Really About

Beneath its phonetic spellings and theatrical silliness, the book functions as an extended critique of nineteenth-century American pomposity. Ward targets the self-importance of ideological movements, from radical reformers and local politicians to overzealous moralists, showing how easily noble rhetoric curdles into self-interest. The text examines the chaotic nature of American democracy, particularly during the crisis of the Civil War, exposing the gap between lofty public declarations and the base scramble for patronage and personal safety. By adopting the persona of an uneducated, pragmatically selfish showman, Browne demonstrates how common sense often exposes the absurdities that educated ideologues miss, making a quiet argument for skepticism, humility, and good humor in the face of national hysteria.

Why Read It Today

The Complete Works of Artemus Ward offers readers an authentic window into the origins of modern American humor. Browne’s work laid the foundation for the deadpan delivery later perfected by Mark Twain, who was directly influenced by Ward’s stage presence and literary style. Reading the collection today feels like sifting through an archive of nineteenth-century popular culture, rich with low-comedy sketches, theatrical parodies, and sharp political satire.

The book does present distinct reading hurdles. Modern readers must navigate extensive phonetic spellings, heavy nineteenth-century slang, and local dialect that require slow, attentive reading. Additionally, the text reflects period attitudes, containing racial stereotypes and casual prejudices typical of 1860s popular media that will disquiet contemporary readers. However, for those interested in literary history or the evolution of political satire, Ward’s absurd, straight-faced voice remains surprisingly recognizable. It provides a vivid record of how Americans used humor to survive the immense political strain and cultural fractures of their era.