The Convert: Deep Waters, Part 5

In Short

This narrative follows Joe Billing, a known brawler who is persuaded by a local religious mission to abandon his aggressive ways in favor of brotherly love. As he attempts to put these pacifist teachings into practice, he finds himself exploited by his peers, imposed upon by his wife’s sudden charitable impulses, and pushed to his breaking point. Through a series of increasingly absurd humiliations, the story offers a wry, human look at the limitations of moral transformation, grounded in the sharp-tongued, rhythmic dialogue that defines this author’s enduring appeal.

The Story

Joe Billing is the neighborhood terror, a man whose "fighting days" are as legendary as his temper. However, he is caught in the orbit of Mr. Purnip, a benevolent, persistent evangelist who convinces Joe that he can become a "bright lamp in the darkness" by embracing non-violence. Joe, feeling a strange sense of obligation, accepts the challenge. He begins his conversion with sincere, if naive, optimism, even agreeing to domestic improvements—such as new oilcloth and corn-cure for his wife—as a sign of his reformed spirit.

The trouble begins almost immediately. When Joe enters the local pub, the Blue Lion, and announces his new "heart," he finds himself barred from entry and mocked by those who once feared him. His attempt to practice the doctrine of turning the other cheek ends in physical disaster; he is repeatedly punched by an old foe, Bill Ricketts, who is delighted to find that the local tough will no longer fight back. Joe arrives home battered and bruised, his resolve already fraying. To make matters worse, his wife, Mrs. Billing, seizes upon his new philosophy to justify her own social ambitions, filling their small home with unwanted guests and, eventually, a crying infant neighbor that she insists on keeping in their bedroom.

The sanctity of his home ruined and his reputation in tatters, Joe decides he has endured enough. He reverts to his old ways, reclaiming his status in the neighborhood by settling scores with his former antagonists. He informs Mr. Purnip that he is resigning from the mission, citing the practical impossibility of maintaining such high standards when people insist on taking advantage of his kindness.

The conclusion provides a final, ironic twist. Joe accidentally witnesses Mr. Purnip being accosted on the street and, in a moment of genuine human weakness, the pacifist evangelist snaps. Purnip delivers a masterful, professional-grade thrashing to his aggressor. Joe is delighted, realizing that his mentor is human after all. The story closes with Joe re-evaluating his own philosophy: he concludes that the secret to a peaceful life is not total passivity, but rather a strategic unpredictability. If people don't know whether he will offer a cheek or a blow, he finds he can navigate his world with newfound power.

How It Unfolds

The recruitment Mr. Purnip approaches Joe Billing with steady, persuasive warmth, convincing the brawler to adopt a life of non-violence. Joe is skeptical but charmed, agreeing to become a "bright lamp" despite his lingering doubts about his own ability to resist a good scrap.

The test of faith Joe visits the pub to share his transformation, only to be met with confusion and mockery from his peers. When his old enemy Bill Ricketts challenges him, Joe adheres to the teachings and is soundly beaten, much to the onlookers' amusement.

The domestic intrusion Back at home, Joe’s wife weaponizes his new lifestyle, inviting unwanted guests and a loud infant into their private quarters. Joe finds that his "new heart" has effectively stripped him of his authority and his sleep.

The return to form Driven to exhaustion, Joe abandons his pacifism, resumes his fighting ways, and settles old scores with the men of Elk Street. He formally quits the mission, telling Mr. Purnip that his lifestyle is simply not suited for a man who wants to keep his own bedroom to himself.

The final lesson Joe observes Mr. Purnip defending himself with a display of expert violence, proving the evangelist is capable of anger. Joe decides to return to the fold, now convinced that the true key to social harmony is keeping everyone guessing about his next move.

The People

Joe Billing is the protagonist, an "earnest" but volatile man who genuinely wants to improve his life but finds the reality of sainthood incompatible with his dignity. He is defined by his physical presence and his capacity for sudden, explosive action.

Mr. Purnip serves as the benevolent, slightly detached architect of Joe’s crisis. He is a man of intellectual idealism who believes in the moral power of turning the other cheek, though he is ultimately revealed to be more human than his rhetoric suggests.

Mrs. Billing is the pragmatic force in Joe’s life. She is a woman of "perfect" practice who uses her husband’s conversion as a vehicle for her own social agendas, effectively turning his pacifism into a tool for her own convenience and domestic expansion.

Bill Ricketts represents the cynicism of the neighborhood. He is a "foe of long standing" who views Joe’s conversion as a physical vulnerability to be exploited, providing the necessary opposition to keep Joe’s resolve—and his frustration—at a constant boil.

In Its Own Voice

"I'm sorry for the next man that 'its you," said his wife, as she drew back and regarded her handiwork.

(Mrs. Billing assesses her husband’s face after she has bandaged his injuries from a fight he refused to finish.)

"I've only got two cheeks, mind," he said, slowly.

(Joe Billing reaches his limit during a street confrontation while attempting to follow the instruction to turn the other cheek.)

"Arf the trouble in the world is caused by letting people know too much."

(Joe concludes his moral journey by realizing that unpredictability is a better shield than absolute non-violence.)

What It's Really About

The central argument is the friction between rigid idealism and the realities of human nature. The story asks whether a person can truly change their fundamental temperament, or if "goodness" is merely a performance that requires the cooperation of others to work. By pitting Joe’s honest, if violent, nature against the soft-edged, often patronizing ideals of the social mission, the narrative suggests that moral behavior in a rough environment requires a degree of practical self-interest. It is a meditation on the idea that true agency comes not from absolute dogma, but from the ability to navigate social expectations without sacrificing one's own sense of self-respect.

Why Read It Today

Readers who enjoy the biting, observational humor of British social comedies will find much to admire here. The dialogue is snappy and carries the authentic, rough-hewn cadence of a bygone era, capturing the claustrophobic nature of life in a working-class neighborhood. While the period dialect can be a minor hurdle, it rewards the reader with a vivid, tactile sense of place and character. The book is not interested in preaching; instead, it offers a warm but piercing look at how people negotiate their identities when they are caught between their own impulses and the pressure to be something "better."

It stays with you because of its central character: Joe Billing is neither a hero nor a villain, but a man trying to figure out how to exist in a world that interprets his kindness as weakness and his silence as an invitation for abuse. The ending, which rejects easy moralizing in favor of a realistic, if slightly cynical, compromise, is refreshingly honest. It is a short, satisfying read that highlights the absurdity of human relations, perfect for anyone who values a story that is as funny as it is psychologically observant.