The Curiosities of Heraldry

In Short

This comprehensive study restores armorial science to its rightful place as an essential window into medieval society, law, and culture. Moving beyond mere technical blazonry, it investigates how coat armor developed from practical battlefield identification and Roman traditions into a complex, codified language of family pride and civic honor. The text explores the evolution of escutcheons, ordinaries, mottoes, crests, and heraldic officers, while exposing the absurdities of over-zealous theorists. By blending historical research, literary citations, and lighthearted anecdotes, it demonstrates that heraldry is a living reflection of human nature and social history rather than a dead pursuit.

The Story

The work opens with an earnest defense of armorial study against utilitarian skeptics who dismiss it as useless antiquarianism. Tracing the impulse for social distinction to antiquity, the inquiry examines the Roman jus imaginum—the right of nobility to display ancestral effigies—and clarifies that true heraldry belongs strictly to the era of hereditary shields and banners. From these foundational distinctions, the historical progression moves into the Middle Ages, pinpointing the luxurious reign of Richard II as the moment heraldic devices migrated from military armor to civilian dress, giving rise to complex practices like impaling a spouse's arms or quartering maternal inheritances.

The study then systematically unpacks the visual components of the shield. It analyzes ordinaries and sub-ordinaries—such as the saltire, chevron, pile, and canton—evaluating competing theories of their origins. Debunking popular myths, it proves through evidence like the arms of Eton College that the heraldic fleur-de-lis originates from a spear-head's metallic sleeve rather than a literal garden lily, rendering the Scottish tressure of lilies a formidable barrier of iron spikes rather than a fragile floral wall.

Attention shifts to the intellectual corruptions of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, when authors invented "Armilogia," or the Language of Arms. These writers burdened the discipline with mystical absurdities, such as forcing every element into groups of nine. The inquiry highlights how armorial devices became metonymically bound to their wearers, giving rise to chivalric titles, romantic literature, and durable English family surnames derived from crosses, bends, and heraldic figures.

The narrative expands to examine mottoes, crests, and historical augmentations granted for acts of bravery or royal loyalty. It contrasts early medieval simplicity with the garish, cluttered designs of modern heralds, who crammed battlefields, native figures, and regimental soldiers onto single escutcheons. It upholds the nobility as a stabilizing "Corinthian capital of polished society" while documenting historical oddities, such as the degradation of peers due to poverty.

Finally, the focus settles on the Heraldic College itself. It describes the physical structure, fireproof archives, and solemn Chivalry courtrooms of the institution, detailing the official duties and historic fees of heraldic officers during royal funerals and proclamations. The treatise concludes by tracing how heraldic charges mutate across regional families—such as the widespread appearance of bezants in Cornish armory—and asserting that genealogy's true value lies in revealing moral lessons about the rise and decay of human houses.

How It Unfolds

The defense of antiquity The inquiry opens by challenging modern indifference toward armory, contrasting ancient Roman traditions of ancestral statues with medieval hereditary banners to establishheraldry's true historical boundaries.

The transformation of costume The narrative examines the reign of Richard II, detailing how armorial bearings spread to civil dress and prompting new methods of impaling and quartering shields to reflect matrimonial alliances.

Dissecting the shield The text evaluates the origins of heraldic ordinaries, dismantling common myths surrounding the fleur-de-lis by identifying it as a metallic spear-head rather than a natural flower.

The rise of mystical theories The study documents the arrival of sixteenth-century armorists who corrupted genuine armory with "Armilogia," an absurd system of symbolic interpretations obsessed with the mystic number nine.

Names born from banners The progression explores how heraldic figures gave birth to chivalric titles, romantic epithets, and lasting English family surnames derived from armorial charges like crosses and bars.

Mottoes and battle cries The investigation surveys the origins of heraldic mottoes from Edward III to later centuries, categorizing them into enigmatical, sentimental, and emblematical types.

The decay of armorial taste The text criticizes the modern era's cluttered battle augmentations, contrasting ancient simplicity with modern coats crowded with landscapes, bayonets, and literal figures.

The seat of the officers The narrative visits the physical Herald's College, detailing its carved-oak hall, ancient visitation records, and the ceremonial roles of heralds at royal interments and New Year largesses.

The lesson of family lines The treatise concludes by analyzing regional armorial patterns and reflecting on how genealogy reveals the rapid shifts of fortune between imperial bloodlines and humble tradesmen.

The People

• Mark Antony Lower: The author and antiquarian who acts as the reader's guide. He seeks to rescue heraldry from both utilitarian scorn and mystical excess, standing firmly for grounded historical truth.
• Gerard Leigh: A sixteenth-century heraldic writer whose early treatises popularized mystical interpretations. He endlessly defends the number nine and seeks hidden spiritual meanings behind every tincture and bearing.
• Ranulphus Holme: An obsessive defender of heraldic study who fiercely condemns anyone who rejects his father's armorial writings as an ignorant sot dedicated only to the drink.
• Edward III: The English monarch who popularized mottoes across the realm, using enigmatic phrases on doublets and daring, profane couplets on tournament surcoats.
• Sir Cloudesley Shovel: A celebrated admiral granted a clean, historically appropriate coat of arms by William III to commemorate significant naval victories over the Turks and French.
• Sir Sidney Smith: A veteran naval hero whose granted coat of arms serves as an example of terrible nineteenth-century heraldic design, cluttered with excessive and jarring realistic detail.
• Edmund Burke: The statesman whose eloquent writing is invoked to defend the peerage as a necessary, graceful ornament that secures society against despotism and sudden ruin.
• Theodoro Paleologus: A late descendant of the Greek imperial line of Constantinople who died in privacy in a small Cornwall village, illustrating how noble blood eventually mingles with common parish life.

In Its Own Voice

"--neque enim clypei caelamina norit." A Latin line cited to describe the widespread ignorance among modern readers regarding the traditional markings and meanings carved upon historical shields.

"They weare theire grandsire's signet on their thumb, Yet aske them whence their crest is, they are mum;" Master Ri. Brathwait's seventeenth-century verse mocking contemporaries who proudly wore ancestral signet rings despite knowing nothing about their family crests.

"Who weare gay coats, but can no coat deblaze, Display'd for gulls, may bear gules in their face!" Brathwait's sharp invective against stylish men who wear fine garments but cannot describe a coat of arms, suggesting their ignorance should make them blush.

What It's Really About

Beneath its catalog of heraldic shapes, mottoes, and official records, the book investigates how human societies construct, preserve, and visualise honor across generations. It argues that armorial bearings are not arbitrary decorations, but a systematic historical language that records political alliances, legal inheritances, and personal achievements. By contrasting authentic medieval practice with both the mystical absurdities of Renaissance commentators and the overcrowded designs of modern heralds, the text exposes the tension between genuine historic tradition and decadent exaggeration. Ultimately, it frames genealogy and heraldry as moral mirrors. It shows how social standing continuously shifts, demonstrating that the highest imperial dynasties often dissolve into obscurity while plebeian lines rise to noble prominence.

Why Read It Today

This work will captivate local historians, readers of medieval history, and anyone drawn to visual symbolism, family heritage, or historical oddities. Reading it feels like taking a leisurely stroll through a dark-panelled antiquarian library in the company of a host who is deeply knowledgeable, mildly dry, and constantly amused by the eccentricities of past centuries.

The prose moves fluidly between meticulous technical definitions and vivid historical vignettes, balancing scholarly discipline with warm storytelling. While modern readers may occasionally find the lists of blazons, archaic heraldic terms, and Latin citations demanding, these technical moments are routinely rewarded by amusing historical anecdotes—such as medieval knights bearing bizarre mottoes, young women reserving blank space on shields for hypothetical husbands, or imperial heirs marrying into rural obscurity. The book leaves you with a sharp eye for the visual language carved into old church walls, hall portraits, and parish tombs, transforming obscure historic symbols into legible human stories of pride, service, and memory.