The Etiquette of To-day

In Short

Edith B. Ordway’s manual maps the landscape of early twentieth-century American decorum, moving systematically from individual character development to complex social rituals. Rather than prescribing mindless routine, the book outlines the operational mechanics of home life, written correspondence, public appearances, and major life milestones such as weddings and funerals. It presents good manners as an essential framework for personal poise and social harmony. The work remains historically useful because it captures a transformative era when traditional social standards were adjusting to modern habits, including evolving gender roles and emerging technologies like the typewriter.

The Story

The text begins by establishing the foundational philosophy that true etiquette originates in personal character, self-restraint, and genuine consideration for others. From this moral base, it examines the domestic sphere, outlining the daily duties that sustain household order. It provides specific instructions for family interactions, table manners, the treatment of domestic servants, and the quiet management of home illnesses, treating the family as the primary training ground for public behavior.

Moving outward from the private home, the book addresses the mechanics of written and oral communication. It details the nuances of conversation, appropriate handwritings, correct paper and ink choices, and the precise formatting required for personal letters, invitations, and notes of condolence. This extends naturally into the rules governing social calls and the formal use of engraved visiting cards, which serve as essential tools for maintaining one's social standing.

The focus then shifts to conduct in public spaces. The text details how individuals ought to comport themselves in church, on streetcars, while walking on public thoroughfares, and inside theaters or concert halls. Special emphasis is placed on the duties of hosts and guests, offering explicit instructions for organizing and attending breakfasts, informal luncheons, formal multi-course dinners, and extended weekend visits in the country. To maintain propriety during these public and semi-public gatherings, guidelines are provided regarding the necessary oversight of chaperons.

As the scope expands to major social milestones, the narrative covers the entire lifecycle of formal relationships. It addresses courtship conventions, the proper handling of broken engagements, and the extensive preparations required for weddings. The text meticulously outlines the roles of the bride, groom, maid of honor, best man, and ushers across both church and home ceremonies, continuing through to the post-ceremony reception and wedding journey. Finally, the book addresses solemn occasions, prescribing exact protocols for bereavement, appropriate mourning dress, funeral procedures, and the formal resumption of social life, before concluding with specialized guidelines for military, naval, and flag etiquette.

How It Unfolds

Cultivating the self The initial focus establishes that personal cleanliness, dignified posture, emotional restraint, and thoughtful speech form the necessary groundwork for all social success.

Managing the household Attention turns to the internal dynamics of the home, offering rules for table decorum, daily greetings, respectful treatment of servants, and gentle care during family illness.

Mastering letter and card The text directs the mechanics of social correspondence, specifying acceptable stationery, blue-black ink, legible penmanship, and the structured use of engraved visiting cards.

Navigating the public square Guidelines govern outward behavior, specifying proper street side positions, respectful silence in churches, and quiet attentiveness in public venues or conveyances.

Executing formal hospitality Instructions define the exact roles of hosts and guests during elaborate dinners, informal luncheons, country house parties, and events requiring chaperonage.

Conducting life’s solemnities The final sections outline strict procedures for complex life events, ranging from formal military weddings to the precise timelines for wearing mourning attire after a loss.

The People

The Individual This entity seeks social competence, personal distinction, and meaningful connections. Impediments include carelessness, bad posture, hasty speech, and self-absorption. By internalizing principles of consideration and self-control, the individual develops an effortless poise that secures entry into refined society.

The Host and Hostess This pair strives to create a seamless, harmonious environment for guests while managing household operations smoothly. They face potential disruptions from tardy arrivals, awkward accidents, and uncooperative attendees. Through quiet vigilance, careful seating arrangements, and deliberate composure, they successfully project grace and manage any social mishap without causing embarrassment.

The Guest The guest aims to show appreciation, adapt to foreign household schedules, and contribute positively to the gathering. Difficulties arise from personal food preferences, unexpected scheduling conflicts, or urge to monopolize the host's time. By exercising adaptability, punctuality, and gracious restraint, the guest becomes a welcomed and valued companion.

The Bride and Bridegroom This couple seeks to navigate their union while satisfying rigorous social expectations. Obstacles include managing financial responsibilities, coordinating complex wedding parties, and adhering to strict gift protocols. By following established ceremonial roles, they successfully navigate the transition into married life while maintaining family honor.

In Its Own Voice

"The customs of social life need frequent restating and adaptation to new needs."

The author opens her preface by explaining why changing modern conditions require a fresh presentation of long-standing social standards.

"A lady should never accept any but trivial gifts, such as flowers, a book, a piece of music, or a box of confectionery, from a gentleman who is not related to her."

In discussing courtship, the text sets clear boundaries regarding the exchange of material goods between unmarried men and women.

"A mistake should be completely ignored by both hosts and guests."

During formal dining, the book advises immediate and silent dismissal of any accidental spills or domestic errors.

What It's Really About

At its core, the text argues that etiquette is an essential social technology designed to minimize friction between individuals. Rather than viewing decorum as mere superficial polish, the book frames good manners as the practical outward expression of inner character, empathy, and self-respect. It wrestles with the problem of maintaining order, mutual dignity, and personal boundaries within a rapidly modernizing society where old class structures are shifting. Ultimately, the work asserts that true social ease comes from mastering fixed conventions so thoroughly that one can navigate any human interaction with quiet confidence and unselfish consideration.

Why Read It Today

This manual will appeal to social historians, writers of period fiction, and readers curious about the exact behavioral norms of early twentieth-century America. Reading the text feels like stepping into a carefully ordered world where every gesture, card size, and clothing choice carries clear meaning. The prose is direct, instructive, and remarkably confident, offering an intimate look at the daily routines of a bygone era.

Modern readers may find certain aspects of the book challenging or outdated. The work assumes a household structure that includes domestic servants, enforces rigid gender expectations, and insists upon strict chaperonage for young women. Furthermore, its detailed dress codes—such as distinguishing between cutaway coats, frock coats, and swallow-tail evening suits—reflect a level of sartorial complexity that has largely vanished. Yet, these period attitudes are precisely what make the book valuable today. Beneath its historical quirks lies a surprisingly durable defense of courtesy, self-restraint, and respect for others that still resonates across generations.