The Hohenzollerns in America: With the Bolsheviks in Berlin and Other Impossibilities

In Short

This volume is a collection of satirical sketches and lighthearted essays that lampoon the geopolitical instability following the First World War. Through a mix of observational humor and narrative absurdity, the author explores the "impossible" scenarios of fallen monarchs forced into manual labor, the theater of post-war diplomacy, and the fading illusions of the Victorian era. Written with a sharp, journalistic wit, the book remains a testament to the author’s ability to find the ridiculous in the sublime, offering a bridge between the earnestness of the early 20th century and the cynical clarity of the modern age.

The Story

The collection opens with the titular narrative, a whimsical premise in which the former German imperial family, the Hohenzollerns, flees to America to start life as humble laborers. Forced to shed their titles and pomp, they struggle to adapt to the mundane realities of New York boarding houses and streetcars. Uncle William, the former Emperor, attempts to monetize his "genius" for painting, producing absurd allegorical works while his relatives navigate the indignities of poverty. As the family’s aristocratic veneer crumbles, the narrative observes their slow, messy integration into a society that views them not as dangerous autocrats, but as a curiosity—the "old Dutch" peddlers of the Bowery. The arc concludes with a quiet, ironic resolution: the former Princess finds a new, simpler life through marriage, having watched her uncle’s imperial dignity vanish into the anonymity of an American city.

Following this centerpiece, the book shifts into a series of "impossibilities" and reflections. The author travels through a fractured, reconstructed Europe—visiting a bankrupt Sultan in Constantinople and encountering a former Prussian general hiding under the guise of a Bolshevik leader in Berlin. The narrator’s journey across these new borders is marked by a droll recognition that while flags and names change, the underlying human comedy remains constant.

The scope then narrows to the home front, capturing the strange, often contradictory atmosphere of the post-war years. The author examines the "War Sacrifices" of ordinary citizens—barbers, theater owners, and farmers—who complain that their particular professions are the most essential to the war effort. He contrasts these domestic complaints with the reality of returning soldiers, like "Tom," whose physical wounds and silent suffering go unnoticed by a society obsessed with the abstract strategies of the conflict.

In the final section, the focus turns toward a broader critique of culture and memory. The author deconstructs the tropes of the adventure novels of his youth, the rigid structure of political campaigning, and the romanticized, cinematic ways we record history. He concludes with a nostalgic yet clear-eyed tribute to the country doctor of the past—a figure who represented an era of personal duty that feels increasingly distant. The book ends not with a grand conclusion, but with a meditation on the passage of time, contrasting the high-tech medical specialization of the present with the simple, human comfort of a doctor’s presence at the bedside in the days of old.

How It Unfolds

The migration of royalty The narrative introduces the fallen Hohenzollerns as they arrive in New York, trading imperial regalia for celluloid collars and frayed coats. They attempt to survive by selling art and peddling trifles, revealing the absurd fragility of their former authority.

The shift in global politics The author travels through a reorganized Europe, encountering former enemies who have adopted the political fashions of the day to survive. He finds the "Bolshevik" leader is merely a familiar Prussian general in disguise, proving that roles may change while the actors remain the same.

The war at home A series of sketches details the domestic impact of the war, highlighting how individuals used the conflict to justify their own interests. The narrative underscores the disconnect between these vocal civilians and the quiet, traumatized veterans returning to their families.

The critique of cultural tropes The final chapters deconstruct the storytelling methods of the era, from the "movie" version of Columbus to the rigid, predictable dialogue of melodramatic stage plays. The book closes by contrasting these artificial narratives with the deeply human, sobering reality of life and death as experienced by a country doctor.

The People

The Princess Frederica serves as the primary lens for the Hohenzollerns’ descent into anonymity; she is the observer who balances her upbringing with the necessity of survival. Uncle William is the central figure of the royal family, attempting to maintain the dignity of his "genius" as a painter while selling badges on the street. He serves as a symbol of displaced power, unable to grasp that his prestige has vanished. Mr. Peters, the pragmatic American who marries the Princess, represents the new, egalitarian world that the royals must navigate. He is the quiet force that makes the transition possible, contrasting sharply with the stiff, rigid figures of the old regime. Finally, the Country Doctor appears as a haunting, recurring ideal—a man who worked without the aid of modern specialists, relying solely on his own humanity. He stands in opposition to the modern, fragmented world, embodying a lost integrity that the narrator deeply mourns.

In Its Own Voice

"It is a favourite fancy of mine to imagine this transformation actually brought about; and to picture the Hohenzollerns as an immigrant family departing for America, their trunks and boxes on their backs, their bundles in their hands."

In the preface, the author sets the stage for the book’s central, ironic conceit.

"The poise of his head still seemed to suggest the pointed helmet of the Prussian."

The narrator describes the tell-tale behavior of a former general hiding in plain sight as a Bolshevik.

"Peace had somehow taken away all the old glad sense of enjoyment."

The author captures the satirical malaise of a local club that finds itself unable to function without the excitement of a war to justify its existence.

What It's Really About

At its core, the book is an examination of the performance of authority and the absurdity of human institutions when they are stripped of their established context. The author argues that we construct elaborate facades—political, social, or historical—to manage a world that is inherently chaotic and often indifferent to our labels. By imagining monarchs as peddlers and generals as revolutionaries, he exposes the "thin stuff" from which power is fashioned. He questions the sincerity of public sentiment, the reliability of memory, and the tendency of individuals to frame their own self-interest as patriotic duty. Ultimately, it is a work about the necessity of shedding illusions to see the human reality beneath the "heroic" masks we wear for one another.

Why Read It Today

Readers who appreciate a dry, intellectual wit and the ability to pivot from slapstick to melancholy will find this a rewarding study in irony. The book feels like a conversation with a cynical but warm-hearted observer who has lived through a transformative era and refuses to take its posturing seriously. Because it is firmly rooted in the immediate aftermath of the First World War, the specific cultural references—from debates over the "barber business" to the early days of cinematic storytelling—require a reader who enjoys historical context.

The prose is accessible and precise, though it carries the formal, slightly detached tone of its time. Some readers may find the reliance on period-specific stereotypes and the occasional use of now-outdated dialects jarring, as these reflect the attitudes of the early 20th century. However, those who look past these relics will find a surprisingly timeless commentary on how society copes with sudden, sweeping change. It is a book about the "impossible" nature of modern life—a reminder that when the world turns upside down, the best one can do is observe the farce with a steady gaze and a quiet, persistent sense of humor. What stays with you is the final, tender image of the country doctor, a reminder that behind all the satirical masks, there remains a fundamental human need for grace.