The Ordeal of Colonel Johns

In Short

This short story follows a group of self-important, ancestor-worshipping women who use a scientific "Reintegrator" to pull Colonel Peter Johns—a Continental Army hero—into the 1989 convention of the Patriot Daughters of America. Intended as a celebratory display of lineage, the experiment backfires when the Colonel experiences the suffocating reality of his descendants’ ideologies. The narrative explores the disconnect between historical myth and modern reality, ultimately revealing how a single change in a man’s personal life can ripple outward to rewrite the entire map of history.

The Story

Clark Decker, an assistant to the brilliant Professor MacCulloch, finds himself trapped at the convention of the Patriot Daughters of America. He is there to oversee the demonstration of the Historical Reintegrator, a machine designed to pull historical figures into the present by reassembling the electrons of their past existence. The audience is dominated by women like the outgoing president, Mrs. Appleby-Simpkin, and the newly elected, bombastic Mrs. Rebecca Johns-Hayes. They are eager to showcase their connection to history, specifically to Colonel Peter Johns, a man whose intervention at Temple Farm is credited with saving the American Revolution.

The experiment succeeds, and a confused, weary Peter Johns arrives on stage. He is not the dignified, elderly statesman the Daughters expected, but a young, dirty, and pragmatic soldier. When he meets his descendant, Rebecca, his confusion turns to skepticism. As the ladies interrogate him, he reveals he is currently uncommitted between his sweetheart, Becky Sayles, and a girl named Jennie Taylor. The Daughters are horrified by his indecision, insisting he must marry Becky to ensure the lineage that produced the "glorious" Rebecca.

As the convention continues, the Colonel is forced to sit through a series of speeches that advocate for rigid social conformity, the policing of personal morality, and exclusionary class hierarchies. He grows increasingly disgusted by the woman claiming his name. When Rebecca begins to push for policies that contradict the very spirit of the revolution he is fighting to preserve, the Colonel’s patience snaps. He breaks free from his handlers and heads for the exit just as his time in the present begins to expire.

As he fades away, returning to his own era, the reality of the present shifts violently. The Patriot Daughters of America—and Mrs. Rebecca Johns-Hayes herself—vanish, replaced by a convention of the "Loyal Daughters of the British Empire." The Colonel has made his choice: he did not marry Becky Sayles. By choosing Jennie Taylor, he effectively erased the line of descent that led to the women who summoned him. The story concludes with the unsettling realization that the history books have been rewritten in an instant, and the characters are left to process a new, unfamiliar world where their previous struggles have been rendered meaningless.

How It Unfolds

The unwanted audience Clark Decker waits in a crowded, dull convention hall, lamenting the professor's choice to demonstrate a scientific breakthrough before a group of bored, status-obsessed socialites. He views the Patriot Daughters with thinly veiled contempt, noting their obsession with pedigree over progress.

The Reintegrator activates The machine hums to life, using the Colonel's sword as a focal point to manifest the soldier from the past. The audience is shocked to see a scruffy, unpolished young man instead of the distinguished, elderly icon they expected to see.

The ancestor’s mounting irritation Colonel Johns is initially polite, but as he endures the screeching, moralizing speeches of his descendant, his admiration turns to resentment. He realizes that the "ideals" these women claim to protect are entirely alien to the reality of his struggle.

The final rejection Unable to stomach the hypocrisy, the Colonel attempts to leave, prompting a collapse of the temporal connection. As he vanishes back into his own timeline, the present day undergoes a total, sudden transformation, wiping out the entire organization that brought him there.

The People

Colonel Peter Johns is a pragmatic, battle-worn soldier who values the survival of his country over the romanticized myths of his future descendants. He is the moral center of the story, possessing the agency to reject a destiny he finds distasteful. His choice to abandon his historically "correct" marriage reflects a refusal to be defined by those who merely wish to trade on his reputation.

Professor MacCulloch is a classic "absent-minded" scientist whose primary interest is the verification of his theory. He is caught in a tug-of-war between his scientific ambitions and the reality of the socialites who funded his work. He ends the story in a state of profound shock, realizing his machine has not just observed history, but fundamentally altered its trajectory.

Mrs. Rebecca Johns-Hayes is the antagonist of the piece, defined by her arrogance and her reliance on lineage to justify her social standing. She wants to use the Colonel as a prop to legitimize her own power. Her abrupt erasure from existence serves as a final, ironic comment on her belief that history is a static pedestal upon which she can stand.

Clark Decker serves as the reader’s surrogate, providing cynical, clear-eyed observations about the proceedings. He is the one who understands the absurdity of the situation, yet he is ultimately left helpless as the nature of reality shifts around him.

In Its Own Voice

"The Colonel took one quick look around and made a grab for his sword, but the Professor managed to calm him and to explain the situation before any violence could take place."

This moment captures the immediate tension between the gritty reality of the 18th-century soldier and the sterile, pompous environment of the 1989 convention.

"The young Continental officer stared open mouthed at the red-faced, big-bosomed woman who was twice his age, but who addressed him as great-great-great-great-grandfather."

This reaction highlights the absurdity of the encounter, emphasizing the Colonel's genuine confusion at the absurdity of his own legacy.

"He must have married the other girl."

This realization by the Professor provides the catalyst for the story's final, jarring twist, confirming that personal choice holds the power to reshape the entire historical continuum.

What It's Really About

At its core, the story serves as a critique of "ancestor-conscious" thinking. It challenges the reader to consider the vast, unbridgeable gulf between the lived, messy reality of historical figures and the sanitized, self-serving versions of history crafted by their descendants. It argues that history is not a static object to be displayed in a museum, but a dynamic, fragile process. The author posits that the grand narrative of a nation is often built on the smallest, most personal human decisions—and that if we try to treat our ancestors as property, we might just lose the very history we claim to cherish.

Why Read It Today

Readers who appreciate a sharp, ironic twist will find much to admire in this story. It moves quickly, utilizing the conventions of 1950s science fiction to deliver a surprisingly cynical message about historical revisionism and the nature of identity. The setting—a convention of elite, self-important socialites—is drawn with a biting, satirical edge that remains relatable for anyone who has ever watched people weaponize the past for their own petty gain.

The prose is accessible and brisk, though the mid-century gender politics and descriptive language of the era are undeniably present. The pacing is tight, and the ending is particularly effective, offering a rare, genuine "what-if" scenario that leaves the reader questioning the stability of their own surroundings. If you enjoy stories where the protagonist successfully sticks it to the establishment by simply refusing to play their part in a predetermined script, you will find this piece deeply satisfying. It is a brief, punchy read that lingers in the mind, serving as a reminder that the people we think we know from history books were, in fact, human beings with the power to change everything—even if that means leaving us in a world we no longer recognize.