The Philistine

In Short

Published monthly in East Aurora, New York, in September 1895, this periodical serves as a lively organ for the Society of the Philistines. It compiles poems, satirical essays, literary critiques, and side talks that relentlessly poke fun at popular books, overhyped authors, and contemporary artistic affectations. Blending sharp humor with earnest literary values, it champions sincerity and natural vitality over commercialized mediocrity and pretentious fads. It has lasted as a fascinating historical snapshot of 1890s American counter-cultural literary dissent.

The Story

Published in September 1895, the issue opens with John Northern Hilliard's whimsical creation poem, "The Birth of the Flower," imagining the divine, cosmic origin of earth's first blossom. The literary centerpiece immediately follows as Elbert Hubbard delivers a biting, satirical critique of a fictional decadent novel, The Pawns of Chance by Mr. Cudahy. Hubbard details its preposterous plot involving Signor De June, a ballet proprietor managing sixteen "Women who Did," whom he ultimately auctions off to sixteen rugged miners in Denver in a modern reenactment of the Sabine women capture. Hubbard uses this narrative to mock the morbid obsession of contemporary sex-problem literature while ironically proposing government-appointed matrimonial commissioners.

Shifting from fiction to social critique, Clara Cahill Park offers a charming allegorical sketch titled "The Manners Tart," in which an aging pastry on a pantry shelf laments a society crippled by rigid self-consciousness and artificial self-sacrifice. William McIntosh expands on cultural criticism in "A Matter of Background," arguing that contemporary pessimists and sensational realists lack historical perspective. He suggests that critics who view modern society as incurably diseased fail to recognize the deep, enduring vitality underlying human civilization, advocating instead for a healthy realism rooted in natural vitality.

The collection continues with sharp editorial oversight. In "In Slippery Places," a contributor under the initial W. rebukes a rival literary magazine for careless proofreading and embarrassing typographical errors, maintaining that cultural guides must uphold basic editorial accuracy. Artistic expression finds distinct voice in Stephen Crane’s impressionistic "A Lantern Song," which weaves vibrant color harmonies into a meditative hymn on the soul's rest and eternity. Simultaneously, W.M. contributes "The Rubaiyat of O'Mara Khayvan," a clever working-class parody of Omar Khayyam set against the backdrop of Brooklyn's Gowanus hills, capturing the weary toil, heavy burdens, and quiet endurance of ordinary urban labor.

The volume culminates in an extensive, entertaining section of "Side Talks with the Philistines." Here, the editors cast a skeptical eye across the wider American literary landscape, mocking heavily advertised bestsellers, pretentious magazine prospectuses, and the hollow posturing of wealthy high society. From lampooning promotional notices disguised as literary notes to ridiculing over-refined cultural manifestos, these side talks reinforce a consistent editorial philosophy. The progression moves deliberately from whimsical verse and biting satire to deep cultural reflection, establishing a unified voice that rejects artificial convention in favor of honest, unpretentious craft.

How It Unfolds

A cosmic awakening The issue opens with a lyrical exploration of creation, imagining God fashioning the first seed from leftover star-stuff in a dusty workshop and casting it down to earth. Wind, the Great Gardener, plants the seed, bringing the very first flower into life and setting a whimsical, imaginative tone before the periodical dives into sharper critical commentary.

The absurdity of modern fiction Elbert Hubbard steps forward to dismantle contemporary sex-problem novels through an extended review of a fictional book. He recounts the hilarious exploits of Signor De June and his sixteen ballet-dancing ladies with a past, whom he ultimately auctions off to rugged Denver miners, blending literary mockery with social satire.

An allegory of simple desires A brief, melancholy interlude features an abandoned pastry on a pantry shelf reflecting on the loss of genuine affection in a society obsessed with self-sacrifice. This tender sketch highlights the quiet, overlooked tragedies of simple things denied their modest ambition to bring joy.

Cultural perspective and editorial critique Essays by William McIntosh and W. challenge contemporary pessimism and demand rigorous editorial standards from cultural guides. They argue against short-sighted realism and sloppy proofreading, calling for a return to historical proportion, clear perspective, and strict linguistic accuracy in publishing.

Working-class verse and side talks The journey concludes with Stephen Crane's vibrant impressionism, a working-class parody of Omar Khayyam tracking daily toil near Gowanus, and a robust collection of side talks. These final pieces ridicule marketing hype, pretentious literary prospectuses, and the hollow affectations of high society with relentless, sharp wit.

The People

Signor De June, known on bills as James Hunks, wants to peacefully manage his sixteen-woman ballet troupe and protect his charges from a harsh world, but his estranged wife, Mary Jane, stands squarely in his way by legally challenging his divorce and demanding an end to his arrangement. He resolves this chaotic dilemma by ingeniously auctioning the women off to rugged Denver miners, ultimately ending up successful in Chicago real estate and peacefully reconciled with his wife. Mary Jane wants her husband to cease his unconventional arrangements and return to domestic life; despite initial legal conflict, she succeeds and shares a calm, enduring reconciliation with him.

Elbert Hubbard wants wholesome literature and honest, unpretentious craft to replace morbid, overhyped sex novels, but commercial decadence and pretentious publishers constantly stand in his way. He remains an unapologetic, sharp-tongued champion of the Philistia camp, unswayed by literary fads or advertising hype. The working-class speaker in the poetic parody wants simple rest and dignity amidst grueling daily labor, but heavy toil and economic hardship block his peace, leaving him to endure life's burdens with quiet, philosophical resignation. Clara Cahill Park personifies an old Manners Tart, which wants nothing more than to gladden someone's life and be praised before passing away, but the rigid self-consciousness and hollow self-sacrifice of dining etiquette stand in its way, leaving it to dry up and face mold alone on the pantry shelf.

In Its Own Voice

Arguing against the prevailing cultural trend of morbid sex novels, Elbert Hubbard insists that literature should reflect healthier aspects of human nature:

There are yet loves that are sweet and wholesome; there are still ambitions that are manly and strong.

Reflecting on the stifling nature of social etiquette, the personified pastry in Clara Cahill Park’s allegorical sketch laments its lonely fate:

I was a fair Tart, greatly to be prized, but the manners of all were such that I was left alone on the table, the last of my kind, the Manners Tart, and they all withdrew, feigning indifference.

Summarizing the guiding aesthetic principle of the movement, William McIntosh highlights the rejection of surface imitation:

“From within outward,” is its motto.

What It's Really About

Beneath its sharp satire and eclectic variety, the work explores the deep conflict between genuine human vitality and the artificial, commercialized shams of modern civilization. It questions whether contemporary literature, criticism, and social codes have lost their sense of proportion, mistakenly treating temporary societal decay and morbid sensationalism as permanent human truths. The essays and sketches argue that true art must emerge from natural health, sincerity, and historical perspective rather than hollow marketing hype, forced conventions, or blind imitation. By relentlessly mocking pretension, the periodical champions an independent literary philosophy that values honest craftsmanship, wholesome emotion, and unpretentious expression above all else.

Why Read It Today

Readers who appreciate sharp wit, literary history, and iconoclastic humor will find immense delight in these vibrant pages. Reading it feels like sitting across from a fiercely intelligent, outspoken editor who is delightfully unimpressed by the cultural establishment and eager to puncture every inflated ego in sight. What stays with you is its biting yet playful takedown of advertising hype, overblown prospectuses, and pompous literary critics, proving that cultural pretension is a perennial human failing.

However, contemporary readers must navigate nineteenth-century cultural references, occasional archaic phrasing, and period attitudes that require a bit of historical patience. The excerpts also reflect a vernacular style in parodies and regional sketches that can occasionally feel rough or idiosyncratic. Despite these minor interpretive hurdles, its spirited defense of authentic art, its rejection of commercialized mediocrity, and its unwavering commitment to honest craftsmanship offer a remarkably fresh, entertaining antidote to modern pretense.