The Psychical Researcher's Tale - The Sceptical Poltergeist: From "The New Decameron", Volume III

In Short

J. D. Beresford’s comic ghost story turns the traditional séance upside down. When a nameless psychical investigator travels to Buckinghamshire to inspect a house wrecked by poltergeist activity, he expects to observe passive spirits. Instead, he meets an "Elemental"—a highly rational, pot-bellied goblin who views humans as a mysterious "future state" and is conducting his own scientific experiments. As the two argue into the dawn about clothing, hygiene, and logic, the investigator finds his sanity unraveling. The tale endures for its dry satirical wit, neatly lampooning scientific pedantry, human vanity, and the utter absurdity of ghost hunting.

The Story

The narrative opens with a confession: a psychical researcher explains to a small gathering why he has resolved to give up his life's work. Desperate to escape the unsettling reality of the supernatural, he longs for the comfortable, straightforward materialism of late-Victorian thinkers like Huxley and Haeckel. He then recounts the bizarre case from 1905 that broke his faith in the field.

His story begins when his friends, Edgar Slipperton and his wife, are driven out of their Buckinghamshire home by poltergeist activity. The household has been disrupted by bizarre pranks: pincenez hidden in the piano, a hairpiece pinned to a bedpost, and heavy furniture wedged into staircases. Suspecting the Slippertons' dim-witted cook of being an unconscious medium, the researcher offers to spend a week alone in the early seventeenth-century house to record the phenomena scientifically.

After settling in, disconnecting the water, and switching off the electricity to rule out mundane explanations, the investigator gets into bed with a copy of The Pickwick Papers. Late at night, the room turns cold, and a patch of dark mist materializes on the bed rail, transforming into a small, pot-bellied entity with large ears and circular eyes, dressed like a medieval page.

Expecting to receive a spiritual message, the investigator is stunned when the creature speaks directly, taking charge of the conversation. The entity explains that he is an "Elemental" from another plane of existence, conducting his own rigorous scientific inquiries into the human world, which he views as his equivalent of the afterlife.

What follows is an exasperating late-night interrogation. The goblin probes the investigator about human habits, questioning why people wear wigs, why they sleep under heavy covers, and why they insist on washing in bedrooms rather than the drawing room. When the investigator mentions the existence of Australian aborigines to explain diversity on Earth, the goblin dismisses the claim as hearsay, noting that the investigator has never personally met one.

As the night wears on, the goblin turns his skepticism directly onto his host, suggesting that the human researcher is merely a thought projection or hallucination. Unable to prove his own physical reality through logic or touch, the investigator eventually flies into a rage, flinging his boots through the ghostly creature. The goblin concludes that psychical research is entirely futile, as neither plane can ever truly prove its existence to the other, before fading away at dawn. The Slippertons return home to a quiet house, while the investigator is left forever haunted by self-doubt.

How It Unfolds

The researcher despairs A seasoned investigator of the paranormal announces his intention to abandon psychical research entirely. Tired of unsettling revelations, he longs to retreat into simple Victorian materialism.

The Slippertons are evicted Quiet, conventional homeowners are driven out of their historic Buckinghamshire house by absurd poltergeist pranks. The investigator suspects their slow-witted cook is acting as an unwitting medium and steps in to examine the empty property alone.

The investigation begins Methodical to a fault, the researcher takes precise inventory of the displaced furniture, disconnects the utilities, and settles into bed with Charles Dickens. A sudden drop in room temperature signals the arrival of an apparition.

The goblin materializes A bizarre figure with a pot belly and circular eyes settles on the bedpost. Far from being a passive phantom, the creature begins questioning the researcher using direct speech.

The tables are turned The visitor identifies himself as an elemental researcher conducting experiments on the human plane. He subjects the human to a frustrating cross-examination regarding basic physical habits and daily routines.

An existential crisis The spectral visitor asserts that the human narrator is likely just a thought-projection or hallucination. Unable to prove his own physical reality through logic, the researcher completely loses his temper, throwing boots through the mist before the spirit vanishes at daybreak.

The People

• The Psychical Researcher: The narrative's nameless narrator, a rigid, highly disciplined investigator who takes pulse readings, shorthand notes, and spatial diagrams during hauntings. He desperately wants to apply scientific rigor to the supernatural, but his strict belief in his own authority is utterly shattered when an apparition treats him as a simple test subject. He ends up bewildered, prone to fits of rage, and desperate to embrace materialist philosophy just to regain his peace of mind.
• The Elemental: An entity from another plane who resembles a grotesque, pot-bellied goblin in page's clothing. Intellectual, coolly analytical, and deeply skeptical, he aims to gather empirical data about human life. He refuses to take any human claim on faith, cross-examining the narrator, dismantling his logic, and eventually concluding that the human before him is merely a mental hallucination.
• Edgar Slipperton and his wife: A quiet, conventional couple who firmly believe that death is the absolute end of consciousness. They want nothing more than a peaceful household, but they are driven out by missing belongings and flying furniture, serving as the catalyst for the researcher's disastrous stay.

In Its Own Voice

"I will tell you the events that brought me to this evil pass."

The narrator begins his tale with heavy solemnity, reflecting his deep frustration after years of investigating the supernatural.

"To my great surprise, however, he was able to use the direct voice. His tone was a trifle wheezy and thin at first, but afterwards gained power and clearness."

Expecting the usual cryptic knocks of a traditional haunting, the researcher is taken aback when the apparition begins speaking clearly and taking control of the room.

"I could not prove my existence to that confounded spirit by any logic or demonstration, but I could prove it to myself by getting angry."

Near the end of the long night, the narrator abandons all scientific decorum, resorting to pure temper to assure himself that he is actually real.

What It's Really About

At its core, the story satirizes human self-importance and the limits of scientific empiricism. By flipping the traditional ghost narrative—making the human the mystery and the ghost the skeptical scientist—Beresford highlights how much of our reality relies on unexamined assumptions.

The conversation between the researcher and the elemental reveals that logic can easily be turned inward to dismantle common sense. The goblin's rejection of human habits exposes how arbitrary daily conventions appear to an outside observer. Ultimately, the story asks whether true communication between different planes of thought is even possible, demonstrating that when human intellect meets its limits, logic breaks down into absurd frustration and sheer denial.

Why Read It Today

This short story will delight readers who appreciate clever, inverted genre tropes, Victorian and Edwardian satire, and philosophical irony. Beresford writes with crisp, clean prose that moves rapidly, balancing the spooky atmosphere of an old English house with dry, deadpan comedy.

The story's charm lies in its total subversion of expectations: instead of terror, the protagonist experiences intense irritation and an existential crisis brought on by pedantry. The pacing is swift, built entirely around the sharp dialogue between the exasperated researcher and his hyper-rational visitor.

While the tale reflects the specific Edwardian fascination with spiritualism and psychical research societies, its core themes feel remarkably modern. Anyone who has ever felt overwhelmed by endless debate, pedantic arguments, or the frustration of trying to prove an obvious point will find the narrator's plight deeply relatable and genuinely funny.