The rise and fall of the mustache, and other "Hawk-eyetems"

In Short

This volume is a compendium of humorous sketches, essays, and brief, biting “Hawk-eyetems” originally published in the Burlington Hawkeye newspaper during the 1870s. It captures the frantic energy of post-Civil War America, ranging from the domestic struggles of house-cleaning and dog-ownership to tall tales of ghost-haunted mansions and the pomposity of local officials. It remains a vital document of Midwestern humor, reflecting a time when the newspaper column was the primary forum for public discourse, satire, and the shared, often exasperating, trials of the common citizen.

The Story

The collection does not follow a singular linear narrative, but rather moves through the recurring rhythms of a community. It opens with an elegiac, almost somber reflection on the transition of boyhood—the loss of the "roundabout" jacket and the arrival of the tail-coat—setting a tone that balances nostalgia with a cynical view of modern progress. From there, the book descends into the chaotic, granular experiences of Iowa life. We meet suburbanites like Mr. Middlerib, whose desperate, obsessive attempts to cultivate a garden result only in the growth of a giant jimson weed, and hapless husbands like Mr. Man, whose efforts to leave for a trip are thwarted by his own incompetence and the domestic labyrinth of his home.

The arc of the book is one of gradual disillusionment with the "dignified" world. Characters constantly attempt to assert their importance, only to be dismantled by physical mishap or bureaucratic indifference. Mr. Gerolman, for instance, loses his dog and his temper in a public display of frustration that highlights the triviality of his rage. Another segment follows a man who attempts to sell a supposed "Chinese clepsydra" clock, spinning a wild, impossible history to a skeptical, unimpressed public.

As the collection progresses, the focus shifts toward the surreal. We read of a gate designed to punish lovers with a mechanical arm—a petty act of vengeance by a man who prefers his home to remain free of romantic interruptions. Even the supernatural is not spared; a ghost haunts a family with the express intent of reforming their behavior, only to be revealed as a projection of the mortal’s own imagination or a byproduct of "stale whisky."

The book concludes by broadening its scope to a panoramic, satirical tour of the world’s antiquities—Rome, Greece, and London—where history is reduced to absurdity and wordplay. The final pages are filled with brief, punchy snippets of social commentary, mocking everything from the vanity of circus performers to the trivialities of regional news. It is a journey from the intimate, bittersweet memories of a lost childhood to the loud, messy, and often ridiculous reality of the present.

How It Unfolds

The transition of the boy The text begins with a lament for the lost era of the "roundabout" jacket, positioning the modern boy as a degenerate successor to a more heroic age. This establishes a theme of decline that permeates the book’s view of contemporary manners.

The domestic comedy of errors We move into the household, where husbands struggle with basic tasks like finding shirt studs or managing a dog’s name. The narrative here is driven by the friction between domestic expectations and the bumbling reality of male incompetence.

The satire of public posturing The focus turns outward to the post-office and the street corner, where individuals attempt to project an aura of dignity and importance. These moments inevitably collapse when the characters are forced to acknowledge their own frailty or lack of funds.

The obsession with improvement Several chapters detail the futile efforts of characters to master their environments, whether through gardening or the installation of elaborate, punitive gates. The struggle against nature and neighbors provides the central engine for these comedic sequences.

The global and historical lampoon The final section abandons the local setting for a mock-educational tour of world history. By deconstructing the majesty of Rome and Greece through puns and irreverent observations, the author strips away the pretensions of classical education.

The People

The book is populated by archetypes who are constantly tripping over their own egos. Mr. Middlerib stands as the quintessential hobbyist-gardener, a man whose stubbornness leads him to wage war against cut-worms and neighbors alike for the sake of a weed he refuses to admit is useless. He is a tragicomic figure, defined by his inability to accept the failure of his efforts.

Mr. Man and Mr. Gerolman are the book’s primary avatars of domestic fury. Mr. Man is defined by his frantic, ineffective search for lost items and his reliance on his wife, Eleanor, who remains coolly indifferent to his escalating panic. Mr. Gerolman, meanwhile, represents the absurd side of ownership; his relationship with his dog is defined not by affection, but by a series of name changes and explosive, public shouting matches that strip him of all dignity.

Then there is the unnamed narrator of the ghost story, who is a master of projection. He is an observer who longs to be a participant, imagining himself as a "conservator" for a family he deems in need of reform. He represents the author’s own editorial voice—cynical, observant, and deeply amused by the self-importance of those around him. Finally, the "dear child" Clarence serves as an unintentional antagonist, his endless, circular questioning of the George Washington hatchet story exposing the ridiculous nature of the moral lessons adults try to impose on the young.

In Its Own Voice

"It is a historical fact that no boy is ever whipped twice for precisely the same offense."

In a reflection on the cunning of youth, the author argues that discipline only serves to make the prankster more elusive.

"The human heart, in all its expansive, limitless capacity for enjoyment, takes greater pleasure in nothing than in witnessing a portly, solemn-visaged man, the embodiment of natural dignity, importance in clothes, administer a scathing rebuke to some 'smart' petty government official."

This observation introduces a scene where a man’s pompous attempt to complain about postal service ends in his own embarrassed request for a handout.

What It's Really About

At its core, the book is an examination of the "dignity" we construct to protect ourselves from the mundane. It asks why we cling so tightly to our titles, our heirlooms, and our carefully curated gardens when the world is clearly indifferent to them. The humor serves to deflate the artificial barriers people place between themselves and the world. Whether through the failure of a "genuine" antique or the physical pummeling of a suitor by a mechanical gate, the book suggests that vanity is not just foolish, but an inevitable target for the universe's inherent chaos.

Why Read It Today

Readers who enjoy the dry, observational wit of Mark Twain or the observational humor of early newspaper columnists will find much to admire here. The prose is rhythmic and sharp, though it occasionally demands patience; the nineteenth-century penchant for long, winding sentences and flowery, elaborate vocabulary can feel heavy to the modern ear.

One must be prepared for the period-specific attitudes, particularly the often mocking tone toward women’s travel habits and the casual use of ethnic caricatures in the historical segments. These elements are artifacts of the 1870s and can be jarring. However, if one approaches the book as a time capsule, it offers a fascinating glimpse into the Midwestern psyche—a blend of frontier toughness and a sophisticated, slightly weary appreciation for the absurdity of the human condition. What stays with the reader is the author’s ability to find the profound in the trivial, and his persistent, warm-hearted recognition that beneath our masks of importance, we are all just trying to navigate a world that jangles like a milkman's bell just as we are beginning to dream.