Tied Up for Tombstone

In Short

Set in the imaginary Montana town of Piperock, this public-domain short story by W. C. Tuttle follows Ike Harper upon his return from an unsuccessful prospecting trip. He discovers that his former partner, the long-jointed sheriff "Magpie" Simpkins, has seized control of the local printing press to publish a backward-reading newspaper called The Piperock Pilot. As Magpie and Ike navigate local outlaws, an unfortunate theatrical troupe, and persistent sniper fire from a cantankerous badman named Tombstone Todd, they rely on equal parts grit, gunplay, and frontier humor. The story captures a lively, lawless era through classic Western vernacular and deadpan wit.

The Story

Ike Harper returns to Piperock after months of fruitless prospecting in the Bitter Root range, accompanied only by his stubborn burro, Lodestone. He visits the local saloon, where Buck Masterson and Tellurium show him a peculiar, smeared newspaper printed entirely backward. Ike learns that his old partner, Sheriff Magpie Simpkins, took over the printing office after the previous editor was chased across the border for slandering the community. Magpie won a narrow election after his opponent, Abe Anderson, was caught rustling cows and convinced by Magpie and the Circle Star punchers that "Thou shalt not steal."

Ike heads down the street to the newspaper office, finding Magpie with his feet propped on a table, reading his own backwards creation because it is easier for the public to read print in reverse than for Magpie to set it thataway. Their conversation is interrupted by Scenery Sims, who wants to cancel his subscription because the paper is too backward. Magpie promptly pulls his gun and forces Scenery to scrub the floor with his neckerchief. Soon after, a dapper showman arrives to discuss advertising rates for an incoming production of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Before negotiations proceed, a bullet shatters the window and sends the showman fleeing.

Magpie deputizes Ike to watch the office and heads out to deal with public nuisances. Left alone, Ike falls asleep and is promptly assaulted by Dirty Shirt Jones, an enraged local citizen who mistakes Ike for the editor because an article suggested a dirty shirt designates a shepherd. After a series of visits from disgruntled locals, a poker game, and the arrival of the theatrical troupe, chaos erupts when someone ties tomato cans to the tail of the troupe's prize bloodhound, Violet. The resulting stampede wrecks the street, destroying hitch-racks and scattering the actors.

Later, Ike discovers that Tombstone Todd and Cactus Collins are behind the harassment. When a group of angry residents from Paradise arrive seeking vengeance against Tombstone, they capture him, strip him, and cover him in tar and feathers before running him out of town on a pole. Ike discovers a final, misspelled obituary left by Tombstone intended for Magpie, and they playfully revise it. They pin a final notice to the busted door declaring that the paper has quit for keeps, signed by Tombstone Todd as editor pro tempore.

How It Unfolds

• The return to Piperock

Ike Harper and his burro Lodestone arrive back in Piperock after months of empty prospecting in the mountains. Ike discovers that his former partner, Sheriff Magpie Simpkins, has become the town's reluctant newspaper editor.

• The backward gazette

Magpie explains that he took over the printing press after the previous editor fled, publishing a backward-read sheet called The Piperock Pilot. Local men drift into the office to complain about the strange language, meeting Magpie's swift brand of persuasion.

• The theatrical interruption

A slick showman arrives to advertise a touring production of Uncle Tom's Cabin but flees in terror when sniper fire shatters the window. Magpie leaves Ike in charge of the plant to track down the culprit, Tombstone Todd.

• Assault and battery

While holding down the fort, Ike is thoroughly beaten by Dirty Shirt Jones, who mistakes him for the editor due to an editorial on personal hygiene. Other locals soon arrive, turning their grievances into paid subscriptions out of sheer respect for Magpie's toughness.

• The great stampede

The theatrical troupe arrives in town with their band and dogs, but chaos breaks out when someone ties tomato cans to a bloodhound's tail. The ensuing stampede wrecks the street, tramples the hitch-racks, and sends the actors fleeing in disarray.

• Tar on Tombstone

A band of fed-up citizens corners Tombstone Todd, stripping him and coating him in tar and feathers. Ike and Magpie find a final, misspelled obituary left by Tombstone, adding a concluding note to mark the permanent closure of the paper.

The People

• Ike Harper

The narrator and weary prospector who returns to Piperock looking for rest. He acts as a reluctant editor pro tempore, enduring physical beatings from confused locals while supporting Magpie's endeavors.

• Magpie Simpkins

The long-legged, loose-jointed sheriff and self-taught editor of The Piperock Pilot. He faces constant sniper fire from local outlaws with utter calm, utilizing unconventional methods to maintain law and order.

• Tombstone Todd

An ornery badman from Willer Crick who harbors a grudge over the local election. He constantly shoots up the newspaper office and harasses the sheriff before getting caught and feathered.

• Dirty Shirt Jones

An aggressive local citizen who attacks Ike after taking offense to an editorial about cleanliness. He later pays a subscription fee out of newfound respect after learning how Magpie handles opposition.

• Slim Hawkins

A towering local resident built in the same proportions as Magpie. He handles troublemakers with raw physical force, famously dumping the theatrical troupe's Simon Legree into the street.

In Its Own Voice

Lodestone wiggles his ears, kicks at a hoss-fly, narrowly missing my head, and looks with sad eyes down at the city of Piperock. Ike reflects on his loyal, sleeping burro as they finally look down upon the town after months of mountain travel.

That? Huh! The Piperock Pilot! Magpie proudly identifies his strange, backward-printed newspaper to a bewildered Ike.

He’s a bad man from Willer Crick. His bluff was good but it didn’t stick. Magpie reads aloud the poetic opening line of his custom-built obituary for Tombstone Todd.

What It's Really About

The story explores the absurd intersection of frontier isolation, law enforcement, and media in the American West. It examines how small-town communities regulate behavior through rough justice, humor, and shared eccentricity. By placing a badge-wearing lawman in charge of a printing press, the narrative questions the true power of the written word when backed by a six-gun. It highlights how men of the frontier cope with boredom, personal rivalries, and shifting community standards through sheer resilience and irony.

Why Read It Today

Readers who love classic Western humor, colorful vernacular, and fast-paced episodic storytelling will thoroughly enjoy this piece. Reading it feels like sitting on a dusty saloon porch listening to an old-timer spin a tall tale, complete with exaggerated brawls and deadpan delivery. While modern readers may need to adjust to the whimsical 19th-century dialect and period attitudes toward traveling showmen and local outlaws, the sheer comedic momentum carries you right through. What stays with you is the unforgettable image of a sheriff editing a backward newspaper while dodging bullets from an outlaw named Tombstone.