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Some Settling May Occur

A Warmly Funny Survival Guide to Midlife, Mystery Aches, Teenagers, and Quietly Becoming Your Own Parents

by Roz Kessler

94 pages25,901 wordsNon-fictionAges 18 and up

You bend down for a dropped sock, and a sound comes out of you. Low. Involuntary. A geological unngh, the noise a porch makes in February — the exact noise your father made every Sunday of your childhood, rising toward his shoes. You stay down there a moment, holding the sock like a small white surrender flag, and you realize the truth nobody warned you about: the warranty has entered its interesting phase, and no one sent the paperwork.

Some Settling May Occur is the owner's manual you never got. In seventeen warm, wickedly observant comic pieces, Roz Kessler maps the small indignities and quiet tendernesses of the middle years — the menu you now hold at arm's length like something you found in a drawer, the reading glasses pushed up on the very head you're tearing the house apart to find, the injury sustained while sleeping, the room you entered for reasons that were confiscated at the threshold by an unseen hand. Here is the man felled by reaching for the remote, gamely trying to file it as work-related. Here is the sneeze that declares war on your fourth vertebra. Here is the moment you catch yourself guarding the thermostat like a national border and understand, with the cold clarity of a person finding a familiar face in the mirror, that you are quietly becoming the management.

Kessler promises no cream, no serum, no eight-week plan to defeat time. What she offers is rarer and harder to come by: the specific relief of opening a book and finding your own creaking, forgetting, beloved life already inside it, set down by someone winging it exactly as badly as you are. Recognition. Company. The lights on in the next house over.

Funny enough to read aloud to whoever's groaning out of the chair beside you, kind enough to make getting older feel less like a betrayal and more like a homecoming.

Settle in. Lie down for best results. Start reading.

Inside this book

  1. 1.The Owner's Manual You Never Got
  2. 2.I Slept Wrong: A Memoir of Injuries With No Origin Story
  3. 3.Now Available With Sound
  4. 4.My Arms Got Too Short
  5. 5.Dinner With the New Management
  6. 6.Why Did I Come In Here?
  7. 7.It's Right on the Tip of My—
  8. 8.They're On Your Head
  9. 9.I Regret to Inform You That I Am No Longer Cool
  10. 10.Fine. Nothing. I Don't Know.
  11. 11.Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again?
  12. 12.Text Me When You Land
  13. 13.They're Playing My Song in the Dentist's Office
  14. 14.Back in My Day (Which Was Also Fine, Honestly)
  15. 15.I Have Become the Thermostat
  16. 16.The Torch, Slightly Singed, Gets Passed
  17. 17.Some Settling May Occur (A Fond Landing)
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